Leaves of Autumn
by caramelapples
Summary: Something traumatic happens and the aftermath of it changes the lives of the Gilmores. And through it all, new beginnings and second chances are given.
1. Prologue

**A/N-This is my first Gilmore Girls fic although I write but about other shows. I have been a fan of Gilmore Girls for a very long time but have not gotten any ideas on what to write. However, during my exams last week, I was attacked with an army of plot bunnies. I thought that this plot was by far the most interesting I could come up with and the only show that fits is Gilmore Girls. Enjoy! **

**Leaves of Autumn**

_By caramelapples_

_**Prologue **_

Sunday mornings have always been Emily Gilmore's favourite because of one thing. She was able to sleep in and wake up at whatever time she pleased. But there was always a downside. She would wake up and realize that Richard wasn't by her side. Not much went on during Sundays and she was content with that. However, she constantly wished that Richard will stay home on a Sunday with her. He didn't _really _work on weekends, it was what she privately referred to as almost work. Going out with business associate to maintain good relations, she supposed. _Talk about maintain good relations with his own wife. _It was good for business and thus, good for them. She allowed herself to laze in bed for a while, thinking about the earlier and happier times of their marriage. It had been the happiest years of her life.

Then, her mind roamed to what Richard had said to her during Rory's birthday party. His comment had stung her more than anything he had ever said to her. Did he honestly think that her life was-in his own very words-frivolous and meaningless? Did he really think so little of the woman he had been married to for more than forty long years? He had apologized many times but she knew it would stay in her mind always. She knew it in her heart.

Five minutes later, she reluctantly went downstairs in her robe and found him reading the papers. Her heart leapt with joy. He had not left! He was still there and maybe-only maybe-he would not be going out today. Maybe he was staying home and then they could spend the day together. Her heart filled with glee as she thought of all the things they could do.

"Morning, Richard," she greeted cheerfully.

"Good morning, Emily," he said, taking a sip from his coffee.

She sat down across him and ordered the maid to bring her coffee.

"Will you be going out this morning?" she asked, trying not to sound as hopeful as she felt.

"No," he replied, glancing at her. "I don't think so." He furrowed his brows. "Why? Was there something I've forgotten?"

"Of course not. Just curious," she told him, hiding the happiness she felt. "since you're not, maybe we could have lunch. It has been a long time since we went out for lunch together."

Emily sipped her just-arrived coffee and waited for his response.

"I said I wasn't going out this morning. But I have an appointment for lunch later," he said, not glancing up from the papers. He even managed to sound-_did he sound annoyed?_

Emily felt disappointment crushing her good mood and she tried her hardest to hide it. She had always hid her disappointment if he didn't have time for them. "It's all right then. I was just suggesting it. I thought it might be a good idea if we went out since it had been a long time since we spent time with each other," she said and studied her husband. He grunted something but did not look up from his papers. _Did he even hear what I said? _Emily looked away after a while, trying to push aside the hurt that was beginning to form. _Why was she hurt? _He was most probably occupied with something. _But still, he could have at least looked at me. _

"Perhaps dinner then?" she asked again. "Will you be free tonight?"

When he didn't show any signs of having heard her, she fell silent and waited for the maid to bring her breakfast. She wondered if he had done something wrong to make him mad. _If she did, he would've let her know wouldn't he? _

"Richard?" she asked, rather timidly.

"Yes, Emily?" He still had not looked up.

"Have I done something wrong?" she asked, more timid than her liking.

He frowned. "No, why?"

"You seem to be quite mad at me. I mean, why are you ignoring me?"

"I am absolutely not ignoring you!" he said as though it was the most ridiculous thing she could have ever told him.

"All right. Richard?"

"Yes, Emily?"

"Do you think I'm not good enough?" she asked softly.

He stared at her. "Why would you ever think that?" he had closed his papers and put them on the table. She didn't answer but gazed at him. "Oh Emmy, please don't let this be about _that. _I said I was sorry."

She cocked her head to one side. "I know you're sorry. But I want to know if you really feel that way. That what I did, my life, was useless."

"I was-angry and upset, worried about Rory. I wasn't really thinking and I didn't mean it the way it sounded, Emily. And I said I was sorry. I am truly and very sorry. What do you want me to do? You can't stay mad at me forever. And that was _very very _long ago if I can remember. Or to be exact, about a year or even more."

"Planning parties and the DAR is what I do. You have your rights to your opinions and thoughts but it hurts that you think so. Especially when you think-or have the impression that it's the only thing I do," she said, stiffly.

"No, Emmy. I know you do a lot. I know that you take care of this place and run everything. And the parties, they're the ones making me connections for the business, " he told her. "I can't thank you enough Emmy."

Suddenly it all became clear to her. _He knows what I do and yet, he doesn't care. Yet, he doesn't have time for me. He knows, and yet, I'm not important enough. I'm good enough, just not important enough. _"If you know what I do, if it means so much to you, why am I not important enough for you to make time for me? You have time for _everything _else but me," she said and bit her lip. "I spent almost everyday alone, Richard. I want you to be here." Emily had never complained about her husband's absence before. This was the first. "I want-need you to show me that you care."

"You know I want to Emily," he told her which meant he couldn't stay. "And you know I care."

Emily stood up abruptly. "Knowing is not enough," she said, sadly and bitterly. "It's as though I'm not here. I thought these things would change after our separation and reconciliation. Our vow renewal. Can't you remember what you told me after I asked you to come home? You said that you will never not listen to me ever again."

"I also said that I would make love to you every spare minute I had," he said sarcastically. "Does that mean I do it? We both know we're too old for that."

"Richard Gilmore! I don't need you to make love to me every spare minute you have!" she suddenly yelled. "I need you to let me know that I matter!" With that, she stormed out of the dining room, leaving the maid in a daze, holding her breakfast.

"Emily!" he called but all he got was the slamming of their bedroom door as a response.

* * *

Lorelai Gilmore loved Sunday afternoons because it she got to spent her day eating chocolate sundaes and watching old movies that starred most actors or actresses who were dead. She loved being lazy. She grunted when there was a knock on the door and went to open it. 

"Mom! What are you doing here?"

"You left this at my bathroom," Emily said and gave her daughter a tube of lip gloss.

"That's not mine," Lorelai said, almost like a child, looking at it.

"Lorelai, you know it's yours. I most certainly do not use this."

"Why not?"

"I don't know. I just don't. Just take it Lorelai. Nobody uses this," Emily said rolling her eyes. "It's yours."

"No, it's not," Lorelai said. "I most certainly do not use this," Lorelai mimicked her mother. Truth be told, she was trying to keep her mother longer. Since Rory left, it had been rather quiet and she liked company. _Gilmore company. _

Emily fell silent and stared at the lip gloss Lorelai was holding. _If it wasn't her daughter's, whose was it? _

"Are you sure it isn't yours?"

"Okay, okay. It's mine."

Emily breathed a sigh of relief. "I was worried for a moment."

"Mom, dad will never do it," Lorelai said and touched her mother's arm.

"Yeah, well…"

"Mom?" Lorelai started to worry when she saw her mother's worried look.

"It's nothing."

"Why don't you come in and have some coffee?" Lorelai asked, surprising herself and her mother.

Emily smiled for the first time since this morning. "I'd love to."

* * *

The rain had been pouring as though a dam broke right in the middle of the sky. Lorelai had insisted that Emily would not drive home in the rain and that she should wait until it stopped. Emily peered out of the window behind the curtain and called out to Lorelai. "The rain stopped!" It was already getting late and the sun had set, leaving the place darker than before. 

"Do you want to stay here tonight?" Lorelai asked, coming out from the kitchen.

"Thank you dear, but your father would be very worried if I didn't come home."

"Mom, I'm your daughter. I wouldn't get up and murder you in the middle of the night."

Emily smiled slightly. "No, it's not that. I-we had a fight this morning and I haven't spoken to him about it. He would think I deliberately didn't come home."

"All right," Lorelai said with a little disappointment in her voice. Emily could have cried with joy to see her daughter wanting her to be around. It had been so long since they shared this relationship. The last time was when Lorelai was 10 years old and younger.

"Goodbye, Lorelai," Emily told her and grabbed her handbag from the couch.

"Bye, mom."

Emily debated with herself if she should add something else. It wasn't as though she said it everyday. It wasn't as though she said it at all. But tonight, everything was fine for once. Tonight, they didn't even fight at all. She decided to take the chance and say it anyway. "I love you."

She held her breath, and almost regretted saying it because if Lorelai did not return her sentiments, she would be hurt. And she didn't want to be hurt, feeling sure that Lorelai would most definitely not say anything but goodbye.

"I love you, too, mom. And I'm glad you stopped by," Lorelai said.

Emily broke into a smile. "Me too."

* * *

Emily drove down the highway as fast as she possibly could without breaking the speed limit. Richard would be mad. She was late for dinner and she hadn't call. The wonderful time she had spent in Lorelai's house had made her forget about calling and she knew Richard was always adamant that she called if she was going to be late. 

The road was almost empty which was good. She didn't have to worry about accidents. What she didn't notice was that the car behind her was the only car apart from hers. And it was there only because _she_ was there.

_To be continued…_

**A/N- There you have it. I hope you have enjoyed it. Please leave reviews and feedback! They're always good motivation. Thanks for taking the time to read! **


	2. A Trampled Rose

**A/N-Here's the first chapter of the story! I hope all of you will like it! Thank you to those of you who reviewed! I couldn't reply to all but I appreciated it very very much because it was my first attempt at Gilmore Girls and Emily is my favourite character so don't worry, she won't die. **

**Leaves Of Autumn**

_By caramelapples_

_**Chapter 1: A Trampled Rose**_

Emily looked into the rear view mirror and saw the a large SUV closing up. It's headlights were on full and the light blinded her when she looked. _Moron! _It was approaching the back of her car and she panicked, knowing that if the driver, who was obviously a psycho, didn't slow down, she was going to get slammed from behind. She stepped on the gas and sped ahead of her but looking back, she saw the SUV still behind her Mercedes. _Oh my God… _

With one hand, she reached out for her purse and dug for her cell phone. The moment she felt its cold shell, she pulled it out and flipped open the phone, trying to focus on the road at the same time. She immediately punched in '999' when her car was rammed into from behind, making her scream in fear. Her heart was pounding and she her mind was screaming at her to run. She stepped further down on the gas pedal, speeding away from her unknown attacker but the SUV approached in a matter of seconds.

"Go!" she screamed at her car. "You're a Mercedes! Go faster!" Her knuckles were white from gripping on the steering wheel.

The SUV rammed into back of her car again and she felt her body jerk forward. She sped ahead, trying in vain to escape from her attacker by moving her car sideways. She was trembling out of fear and prayed for God to have mercy. She put the cell phone to her ear and spoke as calmly as she could, which wasn't very calm.

"Someone's behind me!" she cried. "I'm on the road-" she broke off as the SUV hit the back of her car again and screamed. She was sobbing as her heart pounded blood into her ears. "He's ramming into me! No-I can't see him!"

All it took was another head on ram into her Mercedes and Emily found herself not in control of the car anymore. She desperately clung onto the steering wheel to prevent herself from injuring herself against it. Everything was spinning and came to a sudden halt. She looked behind to see her attacker slowing down and stopping at the side of the road. Grabbing her cell phone, she opened the door of her wrecked car and broke into a dash through the trees. With every step, she took off her heels and threw them into the bushes, not caring how the bare ground hurt her feet.

She brought the cell phone to her ears and to her relief heard a voice.

"_Ma'am? Are you there? Hello?" _

"Yes, yes! Oh thank God!"

"_Ma'am, calm down and tell me where you are," _the voice on the other end said.

"I don't know," Emily cried, still running, pushing the leaves of bushes and plants aside. "I don't know where I am! I'm in some woods… My car crashed and he was right behind me and I just ran…" she was getting tired as her lungs felt as though they could burst.

"_Is he there ma'am?" _

"No, no I don't know!" Emily breathed as she continued running. "Please help me!" Emily felt like her legs will give way any time but kept on running. Just as sudden as ever, she heard footsteps behind her, following her, running after her. "Oh God! He's behind me! Oh God!"

She felt a hand grab her arm with a grip so strong that she could hardly pull away. He pulled her closer and pushed her to the ground. Thinking quickly, she kicked him in the shin and scrambled to get away from him, trying to reach out for her cell phone which she had dropped.

"Oh, no! You're not getting away from me," he said, his voice so gentlemanly that it sent shivers down her spine. She got a hold on her cell phone before he pulled her leg, causing her to be dragged on her stomach. She clawed on the soil but in vain as he was obviously very much stronger than her. . "Please help me!" she cried into her cell phone but dropped it before she could hear anything.

She screamed. "Please, what do you want?!"

"You." The single word, spoken so monotonously, caused Emily to shake with fear.

"Why? You don't know who I am!" she cried and tried to scramble away but he grabbed both her hands and pinned her to the ground. "Please don't…"

"I saw you just now and I just knew I had to have you."

"No!"

"What's your name?"

"Go to hell!" she said and spat into his face. He responded by hitting her hard on the face.

"What's your name? Tell me and I might let you live."

"Emily." It was a whimper but it was the best she could manage.

"Well, Emily, you looked so irresistible when you came out of that car of yours to visit a lady? Yes…A lady and you were bad to make me wait in the rain. I knew I had to wait. It's seldom that I see beautiful and refined women such as yourself… But no matter, you're here now and completely mine."

"Get lost!" she said and tried to kick him.

He crushed his lips against hers, stifling her retort and groped her breast. His weight crushed her and stopped her movements. "Yes, don't struggle."

* * *

"_Please don't!" she cried as he plunged into her, taking her virginity. "Oh god! Stop it! Stop it!" But he didn't stop. He was drunk and holding her down with his weight. The smell of his alcohol tainted breath made her head spin. _

"_Don't move!" he hissed. _

"_Get off me!" she screamed, pushing with all her might. _

"_If you move, I'll hit you!" _

_And she stopped moving, crying and surrendering to her attacker. She should never have come to this party but Richard said it was important so that she could meet his mother._

"_Yes, don't struggle…"_

_Oh, if she told anyone, Richard would never marry her now. And his horrible mother will think that she was even more unworthy of Richard. She would never tell anyone. They would all look at her differently if she did. They would all stare if she said anything. They would all hate her. _

_She was tainted. _

* * *

"You psycho!" she screamed and he delivered a smack right across her face. "Get off me right now!"

"Scream all you want, Emily. We're in the middle of nowhere. Nobody will hear you," he taunted, and slipped his hand underneath her blouse, making goose bumps appear on her skin.

"Why are you doing this?" she cried as he bit her on her neck. "I'm old, I'm ugly… You don't want me… Why would you want a grandmother?" she said, shivering as he pulled her skirt up to her waist.

_Yes, don't struggle…_

"You are beautiful Emily," he said, biting her thighs through her pantyhose. Emily strained to see his face but it was entirely too dark to see anything. "Older women are always more beautiful…" he whispered and ripped her pantyhose, revealing her underwear. "And so much more experienced."

_Oh God, please don't let this happen… Please don't let this happen again… Please help me… _She squeezed her eyes shut as she felt him pull her legs apart, touch her and then in one swift motion, enter her. She cried out in pain as he plunged into her, almost tearing her with his width. She struggled to push him away but his grip was firm, holding her in place. She started to cry quietly, giving up fighting as he thrust into her, the dryness causing her more pain then ever. He bit her and bruised her by his roughness.

_If you move, I'll hit you… _

Quite suddenly, he jerked and collapsed onto her body. She struggled against him, his weight causing her difficulties in breathing. He got up quite quickly and pulled his pants up, buckling his belt. "Thank you for the wonderful time, Emily. And like I said, because you told me your name, I'll let you live."

She turned away to avoid his gaze and felt his smile on her.

"Goodbye, and if we get the chance, we'll meet again." With that, he disappeared into the dark and left her all alone.

Slowly, she pushed herself up into a sitting position, shaking as though she was immersed in freezing water. To her relief, she found her cell phone. She was crying openly now. Loud sobs and soft whimpers came from her body. _Why? Why again? Why me again? _

"_Hello, Emily? Is that you?" _

"Richard…"

"_Emily! I was so worried about you! Lorelai said you left a long time ago… What happened? Why are you crying Emmy?" _

"Richard, please come…" she whimpered softly, sobs wrecking her body.

"_What happened? Emmy!" _

"Please just come Richard… I'm so scared…"

"_Of course, Emmy. I'll be there. Just tell me where you are…"_

_To be continued…_

**A/N-Thank you for reading this! I hope that this chapter was all right. This was not my first time writing a rape scene but I hope that it didn't come off too emotionless. Please leave reviews! They're like gold dust to me. And they prompt me to update faster! **


	3. Teardrops From Melting Ice

-1**A/N-I've made it to Chapter 2! I'm so glad because I felt for sure I was going to abandon it because it would turn out horrible! But because of all of your generous reviews, I now know for sure that it isn't all that bad and I'm going to complete this story! Thank you for your encouraging reviews! They mean so much to me! **

**Leaves of Autumn**

_By caramelapples_

_**Chapter 2: Teardrops From Melting Ice**_

Emily couldn't remember how she made it to her wrecked car. She had stopped crying because she had discovered that there were no more tears to cry. She had cried so bitterly just now, weeping as though her tears came from ice that was melting within her very soul. It had been so long since she had cried. It left her with such an ache to know that there was nothing else she could do. She sat on the damp ground, leaning against the cold blue metallic polish of her Mercedes on the roadside. She almost laughed when she thought of the irony of her car failing to protect her, as luxurious as it might have been.

She was barefoot and she knew that she looked like utter crap, with bruises on her as well. She wondered how Richard would react. _Would he be mad because she had surrendered to her attacker? _She doubted it. He would be angry at that son of a bitch for ever laying a hand on her. How foolish she had been this morning, she thought. She should never have yelled at Richard. She knew that she shouldn't. She knew that of course he cared for her but all she could think about this morning was how she had never yelled at him about neglecting her (not that he did it _that_ often or didn't love her) and how it would feel to just let it all out.

There she was, Emily Gilmore, broken like a rag doll, waiting for Richard to come for her. She wondered if she should've had just called Lorelai instead. What would Richard think if he saw her now? She had thought that this could _never _happen again, not after she had been through it. She thought about the other women in the world that had never been through this hell. How lucky they were that they didn't have to go through it, she thought. Not that she wanted them to. She prayed that no woman would have to go through what she just did. Could she have done something so terrible that she was punished _twice _for it?

The cold of the night didn't have any effect on her as she was already numb from her finger tips to the soles of her feet. She had refused to tell Richard what had happened. All she told him was her location and to hurry and come. He must have had been so worried when he heard her sobbing. She realized that this time, she wouldn't hide the assault from him, not that she could even if she wanted to. The tearstains were already telling enough about her hell.

Her heart literally ached at the moment. She gripped her knees to her and closed her eyes. There was bleeding between her legs and it had hurt her when she walked (or stumbled?) out of the dark onto the open after waiting awhile in case _he _was still there. To her relief, the SUV with its owner was gone.

"_Yes, don't struggle…"_

She shook her head to get rid of the voice. Indistinct as it was, it still sent shivers down her spine.

_She was fighting him, wasn't she? Yet he was so strong… _

She found herself starting to shake again.

"_Richard, please come…" _

_-_

"_Emily, where have you been? What's wrong? You look pale." Richard's voice was always so strong, so calming. And how she loved him._

"_I need to go home…Please, take me home." The music was making her head spin. The lights were making her head spin. The talking… The people… The laughter… Everything was making her dizzy. She wanted to go home and cry into her pillow. _

"_Are you feeling all right, Emmy?" _

"_Please just take me home, Richard." She was going to be sick if she stayed longer. She felt as though the people could smell it on her… Smell him on her. She needed to escape. She needed to breathe. "I need to go home."_

"_All right. Anything you want, Emmy…" _

_-_

The headlights of a slowing car brought her out from her thoughts and she struggled to comprehend what was going on. It wasn't a car. It was a jeep. _Lorelai! _

The younger woman stepped out of her car and rushed to her side. It _was_ Lorelai and Emily thanked heavens for this tiny bit of mercy God seemed to be showing her. Lorelai kneeled beside her and took in her mother's condition.

"Mom! Oh my God… Have you been in an accident?" Her daughter's voice was frantic, concern dripping like melting ice. "Dad told me you called and that you were crying-" Lorelai stopped abruptly as Emily buried her face in Lorelai's shoulder, a fresh new set of tears showing themselves.

"Shh, it's going to be okay," Lorelai soothed, rubbing her mother's back. "I'm here now."

Emily responded by crying harder, sobs wrecking her already wrecked body. "I was-" Emily started but found that she couldn't say it out. The helplessness she felt threatened to unravel every fibre of her being. "I was driving home," she sobbed, clinging onto Lorelai like she was her life force.

"It's okay," Lorelai said, holding her mother tighter. She had never in her entire life seen her mother like this before and truth be told, it scared her. Emily Gilmore did not breakdown (not counting the plane incident) and this was very un-Emily. "What happened?" Lorelai asked, trying to see in the barely lit roadside and failing miserably.

"Richard," she said so softly Lorelai had to strain to hear. "Please…"

"Dad's on his way, Mom. Just hold on," Lorelai said, still confused as to what happened. "Are you hurt? We have to get you to the hospital…"

Emily shook her head fervently against her daughter's shoulder. "I want Richard…"

"Okay, he'll be here soon," Lorelai said, stroking her mother's back. Lorelai looked around to see her father's car approaching and said a silent prayer. "He's here. Don't move, Mom. You might injure yourself if you've broken anything."

Emily made a protesting sound but Lorelai left her to run towards Richard. She didn't realize that her source of warmth was missing until it was gone and she was shivering. Funny how the cold _and_ pain got to her once the numbness was gone.

Emily watched her daughter speak to her husband and stifled a sob. Richard was coming towards her before she could see him and found herself pulled into his embrace. "Richard…"

"Oh Emmy… Please don't cry… Please tell me what happened. Was it an accident?" Richard said, as gently as possible. "Are you hurt?"

"I was coming home," Emily started, mustering all her energy to not scream. "And then there was someone behind me." She held onto his arm and allowed herself to breathe properly before going on. "He hit my car and-I-I ran out because I knew he was coming after me and-" She broke off when she realized she was holding her breath. "I tried to run, Richard. I ran as fast as I could and he just-I-I-"

Suddenly, she let out a cry so agonizing that it brought tears to his eyes. He put his arms around her and pulled her so close to him that he feared she would not be able to breath but he _knew _that she needed him to. "Did he-" he started but could not go any further. Lorelai came closer and kneeled in front of her parents. Richard rocked her gently, trying to calm her down. Richard felt a stab of white cold pain pierce his heart. And pure cold hatred and anger towards the man who attacked his wife. _Oh darling Emmy…_

"He caught me," Emily whispered, looking up into his eyes. His eyes widened with shock to see the bruises that were beginning to form on her beautiful face. Her dishevelled appearance confirmed his suspicions and he felt tears trickle down his own cheeks. His darling Emmy was hurt and he couldn't make it all go away. He couldn't protect her as a husband was supposed to protect his wife.

"Richard, he caught me," she repeated. "I couldn't fight him off. He was just too strong…" she whispered. "I tried to run. I really did… I'm so sorry."

"Oh Emmy, _I'm_ sorry," he said, stroking her hair. When he kissed her forehead, he felt her body tense up and she was shaking more than before.

"Please don't," she whispered, begging him.

"_Don't_?" He was confused.

"Don't-don't kiss me." She didn't know why but she just couldn't have him in such a way. "I can't, Richard…I'm so sorry." The thought of someone kissing her, even though he was her husband and even though it was on her forehead, made her tremble with fear. Just the thought of someone's lips pressed against her in any way was caused her to stop breathing.

"No, Emmy, I won't if you don't want me to. I promise. Now we'll have to take you to the hospital and we'll have to make a police report, Emmy. Are you strong enough? Can you do this?" he asked softly, not wanting to push her. _Oh dear Lord, what have we done to deserve this? _

"_If you move, I'll hit you…" _

Emily stopped moving for a while. It was all coming back to her now. After all these years, after burying everything that happened on _that_ night so deep inside, she was remembering. And she did not want to remember. Not now. Never if she could choose. And she knew for a fact that she couldn't choose.

"_Stop it!" she cried, clawing at him. _

"_Don't move!" he hissed, causing pain with every thrust he made. _

"_Stop it!" _

All of a sudden, she pulled away from Richard and staggered away from him and Lorelai, no matter how much her body ached when she moved. She had to run from it. She had to run before it caught up with her. She couldn't feel where she was going. It was all spinning around her and calling out to her. The ground started to move under her feet and her thoughts were spiralling out of control.

"Stop it!" Emily screamed, crying out in a shattering wail. She had forced everything to the back of her mind. And now, it was all pushing itself back for her to see it. Her head was pounding and fought the overwhelming feeling of darkness and heaviness that was beginning to settle onto her chest.

"Emily!" Richard stood up and went after her as did Lorelai. The tears spilled out of Lorelai's eyes and would not stop. _Her mother was wounded and it was her fault. She was the one who had told her to wait for the rain. She was the one who had left the lip gloss. She was the one who caused this whole damned thing, _she thought, although her mind told her it wasn't the case. She _knew_ it wasn't the case but she couldn't help how she felt.

"Mom!" she cried, trying to approach the distressed woman.

That was the last word Emily Gilmore heard before collapsing onto the ground, the all too familiar darkness and emptiness beckoning for her to follow. It was holding her hand and leading her towards misery that was bound to present itself to her. Misery that had been hidden for so long was now bubbling out towards the surface, scarring everything she had ever known.

_To be continued…_

**A/N-I hope that I was able to convey how Emily was feeling at this point of the story. I certainly hope that you can imagine how she must be feeling. As usual, I will appreciate it very much if you left reviews! They really are helpful and they always make me smile!**


	4. Prickling Thorns

**A/N-Thank you all so much for your reviews! I couldn't reply to all but still, I want you all to know that I really appreciated it especially when you took the time to write it. This is Chapter 3 and I have changed the rating to M because I agree with some of you that it might be unsuitable for younger readers although I _am _young myself. giggles I'm glad that you are still reading this and I hope you will keep on reading it in the future. There are more flashbacks in this chapter though. I hope you don't mind. **

**Leaves of Autumn**

_By caramelapples_

_**Chapter 3: Prickling Thorns**_

The moment Emily Gilmore opened her eyes, she felt rising panic in her throat as she was in unfamiliar quarters and glanced around, eyes searching for Richard. _It was all a bad dream_, she told herself. _It was all a bad dream… Please let it be all a bad dream… _

"Emily?" Richard's voice was soft, comforting like it had always been. "Emmy, are you awake?" She saw him sitting by her bedside and holding her hand. She couldn't stop the sob that escaped her lips and gave his hand a squeeze. She knew that she was in a hospital, not bothering to kid herself. And when she was aware of her surroundings, she knew that it was _not _a bad dream as she could feel her body aching. And she could feel the soreness between her legs. The realization that she had not been dreaming shot through her body like a disease, crumbling every resolve she had and she turned away from her husband, not wanting him to see her in such a broken state.

"Emmy…" he said, and stroked her cheek. "Please, look at me, Emmy…"

Emily mustered all the strength she could and turned to gaze into Richard's eyes.

"Are you feeling all right?" he asked, concern was so evident in his voice. How he loved his wife and now that she seemed so shattered, so crushed and helpless, his heart ached at the notion of what might be in store for them in the future. He had spoken to the doctor that examined her. She had told him that Emily might be afraid to be touched by anyone for that matter. He understood what was happening and yet, he felt the burning rage that boiled down to his very bones ripping at him from every corner. He wanted to kill that bastard with his bare hands, wanted to feel his hands wrapped around his neck, strangling him.

She nodded a little, eyes pleading to him to not leave her, not that he would. But it was better to ask in case.

"We'll get him," Richard seethed. "And I'll murder him myself!"

Emily winced at the sudden loud volume of her husband's voice, remembering her attack, and started to cry, softly and trembling with fear.

"Oh, Emmy… I'm so sorry," Richard said, realizing what was scaring her. _He_ was scaring her.

She shook her head, trying to block out the images, the memories that were attacking her senses.

"It's okay. I'm here. I won't leave you ever again," he soothed and she calmed down a little bit. "Lorelai is here. Do you want her here?"

Emily nodded, still not speaking. She wanted to but she just couldn't. She didn't know why. She just couldn't and it pained her immensely. She started to pull herself up so that she would be in a sitting position but Richard was there, holding her shoulders and helping her up. She gave Richard the most loving look she could muster through the sheen of tears in her eyes.

"I let them examine you, Emmy. I let them take samples from you and collect evidence while you were unconscious. They had to do it as soon as possible to get the best results," Richard said, personally kicking himself for saying it so insensitively but he couldn't phrase it in any other way. "Are you all right with that?" he asked, holding her hand and fighting the urge to kiss her so that she will feel better, remembering her reaction to the last time he did that.

Emily nodded, her brain not quite registering what her husband told her. Richard sighed in relief, glad that his wife did not become hysterical. "Where's Lorelai?" she said, her voice cracking. It felt as though it had been ages since she had used her voice.

Richard's heart leapt when he heard Emily's voice and smiled for the first time since arriving at the hospital. "I'll get her. Will you be all right alone?"

Emily nodded. "Yes," she said, which was barely a whisper.

Again he fought the urge to kiss her forehead. Richard disappeared out of the room and Emily hugged herself tightly, squeezing her eyes shut, still fighting the old memories.

* * *

_Emily Gilmore was beyond nervous. She was terrified. Her hands were cold and she was gripping Richard's hand with and iron claw. His house was so large and the music there were so many people inside. She glanced around the room to see strangers looking at her, some more appreciative than others. She didn't want to meet Lorelai Gilmore and she dreaded the night before her. _

"_Emmy darling, it'll be fine… " Richard told her and gave her hand a squeeze. "She'll love you."_

"_Is my dress all right?" Emily couldn't avoid the sudden nerves that rose. "Is it too white?"_

_Richard laughed softly at her. "It's a beautiful white dress. You look beautiful, Emmy. Don't worry. It'll be a night to remember when everybody will know the beautiful and pretty woman I love," Richard said, gazing at her with the most adoring eyes ever. _

_Feeling a blush coming on, Emily cleared her throat. "Beautiful and pretty is the same, Richard," she said, trying to sound annoyed but failing. _

"_It's not to me. You're both," Richard said, tipping her chin upwards and kissing her, just a brush of lips belonging to two people who loved each other more than anything in the world. "I love you," he whispered._

"_I love you, too," Emily said. Perhaps, this will be a night to remember after all. _

* * *

"Mom?" 

Emily snapped out of her thoughts and looked in the direction of the voice.

Lorelai came towards her and sat on the bed beside her mother, not knowing if anything she might have done would trigger an unwanted reaction.

"How are you feeling?" Lorelai asked, a little warily. Emily shook her head a little bit and looked at her daughter. She didn't know how she was feeling. Lorelai decided not to push. "You'll have to talk to someone later and tell them-" Lorelai swallowed thickly and prayed that Emily wouldn't freak out.

"Tell them about what happened?" Emily said, staring out the window. It was difficult to maintain a normal voice without breaking down and crying.

"Yes, Mom. They'll be asking questions." Lorelai reached out for her mother's hand after hesitating for a while. "Mom, I'm sorry."

Emily turned to her daughter and looked at her hand in her daughter's. She realized that she had never held her daughter's hands for such a long time that it was almost a strange feeling for her. It was ironic that something like this had to happen before she could be on good terms with her daughter.

"For what?" Emily managed, still holding back the tears. _Stop it! _She scolded herself.

"This was my fault. This was all my fault, Mom," Lorelai said and started sniffling. "I asked you to wait for the rain, just so you could stay longer. I was the one who left that _damned_ lip gloss! I was the one, Mom! I caused this whole thing! If I didn't do any of those, this would never have happened to you!" she sobbed, gasping for air.

"Oh, Lorelai… This was not your fault," Emily said, suddenly finding the strength to be the one doing the comforting. "If he-If he wanted to do it, he would have anyway. What you did or what you thought you did had nothing to do with this. Please, don't blame yourself, Lorelai…" Emily's voice had become so soft that Lorelai couldn't believe it was her mother she was talking to. "I stayed because I wanted to stay. I stayed not because you asked me but because I wanted to be with my daughter."

It was different that her mother was quiet because Emily Gilmore was seldom quiet, if quiet was her at all. It was however, rather odd that she wasn't saying anything about it at all unless coaxed and Lorelai didn't want to coax her mother any further.

Emily shook her head and clutched the edge of the blanket covering her to prevent herself from screaming. It was coming back again. _That_ night was coming back again.

"Mom, you should get some rest before they come."

"Who?" Emily asked, her mind not fully comprehending what her daughter said.

"The police who are coming to ask you questions."

"The police?"

"They're very nice and you don't have to be afraid of them," Lorelai said and stood up. "Sleep Mom. Dad and I will be here. I promise."

Emily nodded and closed her eyes.

* * *

_Lorelai Gilmore was walking towards Emily and she felt her breath catch in her throat. She clutched Richard's hand tighter and he squeezed her hand to encourage her. _

"_Richard!" she cried coming towards them. Richard kissed his mother and smiled._

"_This is Emily," Richard said, beaming with pride as his mother looked her over from head to toe. _

_Emily fought the urge to shrink behind Richard and away from the reprimanding woman's intense gaze but she stood still, still clutching desperately at Richard's hand. _

"_Nice to meet you, Mrs. Gilmore," Emily said, fighting the tremor in her voice. _

"_Well, you must be the one Richard left darling Penny for," she continued, oblivious to Emily's feelings. _

_Emily already knew the moment his mother mentioned Richard's previous fiancée that she would never be liked by that woman and at that moment, she felt as though she shouldn't have come. It was the most degrading feeling Emily had ever felt in her entire life causing her to tense. She kept silent. _

"_You really shouldn't dress like this, Emily… Yes, I understand that you young girls want to look nice and you really do but I'm sure you don't want to attract unwanted attention since you are with Richard now, do you?" _

"_I beg your pardon?" Emily asked, startled and confused at what was being directed at her. _

"_She certainly is daft, Richard," the Gilmore woman said as though Emily wasn't there and glanced around the room. Richard stared at his mother but did not say anything. "But you must excuse me now. I see your Aunt Marianne over there, Richard and I simply must greet her." _

"_Of course," he said and watched her disappear into the crowd. He turned to Emily. "I'm sorry about her behaviour, Emily. But I didn't say anything because I didn't want to make a scene. She's still upset about Penny and I." He really did seem so sorry. "But I'll introduce Father to you, darling. He'll love you." _

_Emily shook her head. "I understand," she said and swallowed. She fought the tears that were starting to form. She would never let Richard see her cry over that. Never. "All right. Let's meet your father," she said after taking a deep breath. _

* * *

Lorelai found her father sitting in the hallway outside and sat down beside him. "Dad?" 

Richard turned to his daughter and sighed, as though the world was upon his chest. "How is your mother?"

Lorelai shook her head a little. "She's sleeping. I told her to rest before the police comes." Looking at how distraught her father was, she placed a soft hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "Dad… She's going to be all right. Emily Gilmore would be all right," Lorelai said as though saying her mother's name was to reaffirm her belief. "She's strong."

"I know that." Richard ran his fingers through his hair. "You know we had a fight this morning… She was so upset. It was a Sunday, Lorelai and she wanted to spend time with me."

Lorelai nodded and allowed her father to speak. "She told me that you fought."

"Well we did. Well she left after that, before lunch. If I had been there, if I had been with her the entire time, I would've been able to protect her." He sighed and leaned back onto the plastic chair. "She was so afraid." The feeling of helplessness was so very depressing. He wondered if this was a bad dream, a cruel joke that someone decided to play on them. But he knew it was not.

"They'll catch him," Lorelai said with more conviction than she felt.

"I hope so. I don't know if I can live without making sure that bastard pays for what he's done." The anger that he felt towards his wife's attacker was beyond any other rage he had ever felt. He was afraid of what he was capable of doing if he were to come face to face with _that _man. _No_. He wasn't a man. He was lower than a man. He was lower than _dirt _itself. _Any_ man who hurt his Emmy was not worthy of living. "She'll be able to go home tomorrow after everything is done."

"I'll be here," Lorelai said immediately.

Richard almost smiled and patted his daughter's hand. "You're a good girl, Lorelai."

Lorelai leaned back and dropped her head to rest on her father's shoulder. It would seem that this was the beginning of the nightmare that had silently plagued Emily Gilmore for decades.

_To be continued…_

**A/N-Ta-da!! Okay, I hope that you enjoyed it. Thank you for reading and please leave reviews! The gold dust that all of you have left is already becoming a gold nugget, according to _someone _hint hint and I would like to have a big gold nugget so I can melt it and make it into some really nice Gilmore Girls characters figurines. So feel free to help me in my project by leaving gold dust! **

**You all know that gold dust are reviews, right? **


	5. And Her Dress Was White No More

**A/N-Thanks to all of you who reviewed and for being honest with what you think! They encourage me to update faster and I hope that this installment would be enjoyable! Again, more flashbacks! This is a very intense chapter as Emily is recounting her rape. And it might get confusing too as Emily would be struggling with the memories. Please be patient with me! Thanks.  
**

**Leaves of Autumn**

_By caramelapples_

_**Chapter 4: And Her Dress Was White No More**_

Rory Gilmore practically ran through the hospital corridors until she found her mother and grandfather. All she could think of was how everyone must have been feeling, how her grandmother must have been feeling and how _she _should be feeling. A dozen thoughts ran through her mind and she didn't have time to slow down and react to every single one of them.

_Should she cry? _Rory decided no. No matter how much she wanted to, she wouldn't cry because she would be brave for her grandmother. _Just like grandpa. _She saw how her grandfather's face lit up when she made an appearance and wanted to keep the light in his eyes just a little bit longer.

"Rory!" Lorelai called and hugged her daughter as tightly as she could, trying to ward of the non-existent cold. "I'm so glad you are here." Rory rubbed her mother's back. She looked up to see her grandfather standing behind and proceeded to let go of her mother so she could embrace Richard.

"Grandpa," she said, burying herself in his chest. "Are you okay?"

Richard nodded and stepped back. "Rory," he said, in the most dignified tone he could muster.

"How's grandma?"

"Well, she's…Scared." Richard looked through the slightly opened door and swallowed. "She's sleeping now. Resting before the police are here."

"I'm so sorry," Rory said, not knowing what else to say. How could it be? Rory always knew what to say, _didn't_ she?

* * *

Emily stared out the window. Lorelai had told her to sleep but just _how _could she sleep after the happenings of tonight? She fought the urge to scream. She wanted to scream really bad despite already screaming just now. She wanted to cry and throw things but knew that she shouldn't. She kept her hands entwined together to prevent herself from knocking over the monitors beside the bed on purpose. 

How could she have fallen victim to that _again? _

* * *

_Richard held her hand and didn't let go since she met his mother, not that he could get out of her grip anyway. She was surprisingly strong if she needed to be and today, it seemed that she needed to be strong. She kept quiet as Richard led her through the crowd and to the study. _

_He knocked gently and was rewarded with a, "Come in," spoken as though the owner of the voice was of royal blood. It intimidated Emily. Her mother had never wanted her to be like that. Thus, she had spoken to everyone in the same manner of tone and she was fine with that. But no, Richard's parents were so different and Emily was sure that they were going to make her avoid some of her less 'suitable' friends. She just knew that they would make her change. _

_She sighed. What had she got herself into? But she loved the man who now held her hand and she would be willing to do anything for him. And it includes braving his parents. She wished that his father would like her. At least she would have one parent in-law that would be on her side. _

* * *

"Emily?" 

She looked up to see Richard standing beside her bed. She tried her best to smile. How she hated to pain him so much. Yet, she couldn't help but do it now.

"The police are here, Emmy. Will you speak to them?" he asked, trying not to sound demanding. It was important that she spoke to them if the rapist-he hated to think of that man-was to be caught at all.

She nodded a little, reaching out for his hand. Now, only his hand seemed like the one thing that gave her strength. She didn't dare to let him really touch her and she hated herself for feeling that way. "Are there a lot of them?" she asked in a small voice.

"No, no… Only one will speak to you. Only one," he told her.

"Can it be a woman?" she asked, still hating herself.

"Of course , Emmy," he said. "Just wait a while here would you?"

She nodded again. "Can I please do it alone?"

"Emmy…"

"Please. I need to do this by myself. I'm not ready for you to know yet…"

"Do you want Lorelai? Or Rory?" He really didn't want to leave her alone.

"Rory's here?" she was surprised and touched at the same time.

"Yes, Emmy."

She seemed to think for a while. And she made up her mind. "I want Lorelai." She had always admired Lorelai. Lorelai was so strong and she never would have any troubles that she couldn't fix. She loved her daughter very, very much and she wanted someone with her now, knowing that she wasn't ready for her husband to hear the details yet. And Rory was so young and she really didn't want to scare Rory with all these.

"Are you sure?"

Emily nodded again. "Yes, please."

"All right," he said, still uncomfortable of leaving her alone. He felt as though he had to be there to protect her. "If it's what you want." He couldn't remember the last time he told her that. It was always her telling him.

Emily tried, again, to smile at him and succeeded slightly before he left the room.

* * *

"_Father, this is Emily," Richard said to his father, proud as a peacock. _

"_Emily! Well it's certainly nice to meet you," Charles said and smiled warmly. Emily sighed inwardly in relief and shook his outstretched hand. _

"_Nice to meet you too, Mr. Gilmore," she replied, somewhat shyly much to her own annoyance. _

"_Well, well, well. I can certainly see why Richard chose you over Lynnie," Charles said again making her blush. He really was a gentleman, just like her beloved Richard. _

"_Thank you, sir." _

"_Please, don't call me sir. It makes me feel old!" he said good-naturedly. "Do you think I'm old?" _

"_No," Emily said, swallowing and afraid that she had offended him. _

_He laughed at her timid reaction. "Don't worry, darling girl! I'm far from old. In fact, I'm barely middle aged!" _

_Emily smiled nervously while Richard watched, amused. Then the door opened and a roguish looking man entered. He was younger than Charles Gilmore but still older than Richard. _

"_Charlie! You must come out here-" he stopped abruptly as he noticed Richard and Emily. _

"_Uncle," Richard said, smiling. _

"_How's this favourite nephew of mine?" he asked and beamed. _

"_Uncle this is Emily," Richard said. "Emily, this is my mother's younger brother, Louis." _

"_Nice to meet you… uh…" Emily didn't know what to call him and grasped at words._

"_Louis, please. Call me Louis," he said, reminding Emily of some suave European. "Right, Charles?" _

_Richard's father gave a snort and laughed all the same._

"_Nice to meet you, Louis." Emily smiled. It was starting to become a better night already, she thought, pushing away thoughts of Lorelai Gilmore. _

* * *

Lorelai was sitting beside her as a woman walked in. She wasn't dressed in uniform but seemed pleasant enough. She asked a few questions and Emily answered quietly. _I have to do this, _she thought. 

"All right," the woman, who introduced herself as Cathy, said. "Now, I'll ask you to recount what happened. Can you tell me that?" she asked, gently.

Lorelai shot her mother a concerned look, suddenly unsure if her mother was ready but Emily nodded her head.

"Good. Start from the beginning."

Emily took a deep breath and started to recount what happened starting from her visit to Lorelai's. She was surprised at how much she could remember since she couldn't remember much of the first time-at this, she furiously pushed the _other _memory away- forcing her mind to focus on the recent events. She struggled to not break down crying as the memories assaulted her but was rapidly failing.

* * *

_The bed covers pressing on her back was wrinkled and damp from her sweat. She was kicking at him and trying to push him away. _

"_Don't move!" he hissed. _

_Now she was in a different place. It was damp. She was lying on the ground and the ground was damp. She had stopped struggling because he was threatening her. _

_He was threatening her. _

_Don't move… _

_Yes, don't struggle… _

_A blow was delivered to her face, causing blood to rush to the spot he hit. _

_She was in a bedroom… She was in the woods… _

Emily's mind worked to push and separate both memories. It was different! Both memories were different! 

"And I ran into the woods…"

_He forced himself inside of her…White hot pain ripped through her because he was rough…_

_Because he was tearing her… _

"I fell… And I was trying to call for help." 

"Go on.." Cathy said, nodding encouragingly at her. She was trying so hard to be brave and tried to remember what happened. But she couldn't do it without remembering the _other _time. Lorelai squeezed her hand and she squeezed back.

"It's okay, Mom."

"He pulled my leg and dragged me…"Emily stammered.

"_What's your name? Tell me and I might let you live." _

"_Emily…" _

"He asked for my name and he told me-he told me that I-he might let me live and I-I told him my name…" 

"Slow down, Emily. All this while, could you see his face?" Cathy tried gently.

_Emily strained to kick him off but his weight was too much. And the shadows of the trees were blocking out almost all the light. She couldn't see! She couldn't see!_

"_You psycho!" she screamed and he delivered a smack right across her face. "Get off me right now!" _

"Try and remember Emily…" 

"Mom… Try and remember," Lorelai encouraged, holding back the tears that had formed out of hearing her mother's account. It ripped through her as though she was there. She was there and she was watching everything. And for a fraction of a second, she wished that she was there so she could have done something. _Anything! Mommy…_

"I-" Emily stammered, trying so hard to remember but she couldn't. It was a different man she was remembering and it scared her.

_Oh God, please don't let this happen… Please don't let this happen again… Please help me… She squeezed her eyes shut as she felt him pull her legs apart, touch her and then in one swift motion, enter her. She cried out in pain as he plunged into her, almost tearing her with his width. She struggled to push him away but his grip was firm, holding her in place. She started to cry quietly, giving up fighting as he trust into her, the dryness causing her more pain then ever. He bit her and bruised her by his roughness._

_It was happening again… It was happening again… _

"Oh god…" Emily started trembling so much that it worried Lorelai. 

"Mom, slowly. Don't push yourself too much…" Lorelai said, her voice quivering.

"I can't-he-"

"_Please, don't call me sir. It makes me feel old!" he said good-naturedly. "Do you think I'm old?" _

"_No," Emily said, swallowing and afraid that she had offended him. _

_He laughed at her timid reaction. "Don't worry, darling girl! I'm far from old. In fact, I'm barely middle aged!" _

"I-" she stammered and looked around the room, into Lorelai's blue, blue eyes.

"_Uncle this is Emily," Richard said. "Emily, this is my mother's younger brother, Louis."  
_

"He-I-"

"_Well, you must be the one Richard left darling Penny for," she continued, oblivious to Emily's feelings. _

_And Emily knew that she would never be good enough for his mother._

Emily felt tears spill and brushed them away. "No. I-No," she finally said, feeling frustrated at herself. "I can't remember how he looked like." 

"Okay," Cathy said, not showing any other emotion but kindness and compassion. "I won't push you too much. Now, tell me what happened after you told him your name."

Emily nodded and continued while hating herself more and more by the minute, feeling useless and stupid for not being able to see, for feeling frustrated, for not being brave.

And for getting raped.

_To be continued…_

**A/N-There! Another chapter! Please leave reviews and tell me what you think! Thanks! **

**And to Emily&Richard4ever, I think this story will be quite long, well, long enough anyway. Is there anyway where I can reply to you? Perhaps you might leave a comment on my LJ where I can reply to you. :0) Thanks for reading!**


	6. Mommy's Little Angel

**A/N- I apologize for not updating sooner as I always have but now, I'm back and here's the next installment. Again more flashbacks but this time, the flashbacks are in a more positive light and shows more of Lorelai and Emily's relationship when Lorelai was a child. I hope it works as this was my first time. And I got myself a wonderful beta, Cira (hugs and thank you so much!) and I hope that you'll enjoy this chapter. **

**Leaves of Autumn**

_By caramelapples_

_**Chapter 5: Mommy's Little Angel**_

Richard felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Lorelai with a small smile on her face - a small encouraging smile that spoke of understanding.

"Is grandma okay?" It was Rory who asked, standing up.

"Yeah. She's okay now."

Richard racked his brain for something to say but couldn't. It were times like these that he felt weak and incapable of doing anything. He hated the feeling but was not able to push it away. Emily had always been strong. She was rarely needy with him and seldom vulnerable. But now, he realized, she was not needy but extremely vulnerable and scared. He wondered if she would ever be the same again. Seeing Emily so frightened scared him more than he wanted to admit and he wondered if she would recover.

"It's almost five in the morning now," Lorelai said, planning her next words carefully. "Dad?"

"Yes, Lorelai, I know," Richard said and sighed.

"It's going to take a while before Mom can leave and I'm sure you're tired. So why don't you go home and rest? Or at least eat something," Lorelai suggested, sitting down next to her father.

"No. I don't want to leave your mother alone," Richard said, rubbing his face. "I don't think I can."

"Dad, you don't look very well. It'll do Mom good to have a healthy husband," Lorelai said, trying to see the humor in the situation. It wasn't that she didn't care. It truly wasn't. But Lorelai Gilmore used humor to get through things, especially when things got rough. It took away some of the pain and made things easier to handle. "She's resting anyway. It won't make a difference."

Richard smiled at his daughter's attempt. He knew what she was trying to do. "I suppose you're right. And I have to make some calls. I won't be going to work today. I can't."

"I'll be right here," Lorelai said and patted the top of his hand.

"Me too," Rory said. "We'll take care of grandma," she told Richard.

"I have no doubt you will," Richard said. He pulled himself up and felt the bones in his knees creak. He was growing old. And, although he never told Emily, he doubted that she would go first even if he allowed it. He wouldn't want to go first because he wanted to take care of his Emmy. He wanted to care for her and love her until her very last second. He couldn't imagine her alone in their big house.

Lorelai hugged her father and watched him walk down the corridor. Even when their relationship wasn't at its best, she still loved her mother. She loved her mother and she wanted to protect her. And now, it broke her heart that Emily was broken and hurt.

_Her mommy was broken and hurt._

"_Mommy!" _

_It startled Emily and she brushed her tears away in vain. She looked up to see her daughter's reflection in the dressing table mirror. Lorelai was bouncing on the bed, her dark curls bouncing along with it's owner. _

"_Yes, baby?" she asked, looking at her daughter through the mirror. "You're supposed to be downstairs with your grandmother. It's seldom she visits." _

"_I don't like Daddy's mommy. She's scary and she speaks funny. I prefer my own Mommy," Lorelai declared proudly. "I have a form for you to fill in!" Lorelai said, jumping off the large bed and finally leaping onto her mother's lap. _

"_Oh? What's that?" Emily asked her daughter and stroke her hair. _

_Lorelai turned so she could see her mother's face and her little heart was horrified when she saw that her mother looked sad. "Mommy, why are you crying?"_

"_I'm not crying," Emily said, trying to sound casual. Lorelai always knew how her mother was feeling no matter how hard she tried to hide it. _

"_Mommy, your eyes are red." The little girl stated. _

_Emily looked at the pink piece of paper that Lorelai clutched in her hand. Smiling down at her daughter, she forced herself to smile, "Tell me what you were telling me earlier. About the form, baby," attempting to change the subject. _

"_Why are you crying, Mommy?" Lorelai asked, and touched her mother's cheek with her small hand._

_Emily looked into her child's face and felt like she was the luckiest mother in the whole world. "Oh, Lorelai…" she sighed and kissed the little girl's forehead. "Grandma said something mean, that's all." _

"_What did she say?" Lorelai's curiosity was piqued. _

"_You needn't know, baby," Emily said. "Now tell me about the form." _

_Lorelai leaped out of her mother's lap and stood in front of her, with hands on her hips. "What did grandma say?" she demanded. _

_Emily smiled, knowing her daughters stubbornness, she gave in. "Well, grandma doesn't like me very much. She said that I needed to take care of Daddy and you better, that she didn't think that I was doing enough. And that I should follow Daddy to parties at dinners."_

_Lorelai didn't really get what her mother was saying but she went to her and made herself comfortable in her lap again. "You the best Mommy ever and grandma is talking bullshit!" she declared._

"_Lorelai!" Emily exclaimed, horrified. "That was a bad word!" _

"_Bullshit?" her blue eyes held innocence._

"_Lorelai!" _

"_Sorry Mommy. I won't say it again," Lorelai said meekly, looking down at her hands. _

"_Okay. Now, what form are you talking about?" _

_Lorelai gave her mother the piece of pink paper and Emily stared at the 'form'. It was written in her daughter's own bubble handwriting, big and childish, messy as well. _

"_I wrote it Mommy. Fill it in and give it back to me later!" Lorelai said, and in no time was out of the room. _

_Emily read the form and felt her heart constrict with so much pride and love for her little girl. She grabbed a pen and filled it in, one by one._

"_Before you go to bed every nite, do you kiss me goodnite? Circle yes or no." _

_Emily circled yes without hesitating. She wondered what her daughter was thinking. Did her baby know that she kissed her every night?_

"_Do you like white? Circle yes or no." Yes. _

"_Do you like princesses?" Emily noticed that 'Circle yes or no,' was not there but a 'tick' and a 'cross.' It was so like Lorelai to get lazy. She smiled and circled the tick._

"_Would you play with me outside if I promise not to get myself very dirty?" Yes._

"_Do you luv me?" Emily circled the tick and added a little footnote under the tick. "I love you very, very much, angel. You don't have to ask me that."_

"_Do you like chocolate?" Yes._

"_Would you fire Priscilla if I ask her to do sumthin and she didn't tell you but because I asked her not to but it's not sumthin bad? Please please please circle no, Mommy." Emily was a little hesitant at this but she decided to circle the cross. It was only once and she wondered what Lorelai could be planning. _

_When she completed it, she went to Lorelai's room and placed it on her pillow. Perhaps the time Trix would be here could be quite bearable with her little angel to cheer her up. _

Lorelai stood at the door holding Rory's shoulders while they watched Emily sleep.

"Grandma will be okay," Rory said, glancing at her mother. Lorelai nodded but did not reply. A dozen thoughts swam in her mind. After Cathy had left, Emily had mentioned something that had confused Lorelai. She hadn't said anything but it stayed in her mind, refusing to leave her in peace. And she had forgotten to ask her father about it before he left.

"_It was a party," _Emily had said and Lorelai had caught it but thought it was because of the stress and emotions that Emily was experiencing. Lorelai had been confused; still _was _but seeing how distressed Emily was, she decided not to push it.

_Party?_

"Ms. Gilmore?" Lorelai heard and both she and Rory turned around to see a nurse, smiling warmly at them.

"Yeah?"

"If you could come with me? You'll have to fill in some forms for the checking out procedure."

"Oh. Yeah, of course," Lorelai said and followed the nurse. Rory watched her mother being led away and went into her grandma's room. Emily was sleeping, her chest slowly rising and falling, indicating her breathing. Rory could see a bruise forming on Emily's cheek and reached out to touch the sleeping woman's hand.

"Oh, grandma," she breathed, feeling as though the impossible had happened. "Please be okay."

She gave Emily's hand a gentle squeeze and was surprised when Emily suddenly held hers in an iron grip.

"_Stop moving!" he hissed. He was touching her… Oh god her was touching her…_

"_Please…" Emily begged, silent tears running down her face. "Please don't do this. Please!" _

"_Richard has good taste," he commented and groped her breast through her bra. _

"_You're drunk!" she cried. _

"_And you're beautiful," he said, pulling her legs apart. It all became a blur to her and she was hearing everything all at once. Her senses were not functioning and she felt the atmosphere in the room become thicker. Where was she? _

_She was in a bedroom. A guestroom? She could hear the music playing outside but she couldn't distinguish the notes, the musical instruments that were being played… Before she knew it, she felt a ripping pain in between her legs… _

"_Stop it!" she cried, gripping the sheets. _

"Grandma!"

Emily blinked awake and sat up straight.

"Grandma? Are you all right?" It was Rory speaking to her. It was Rory. She was safe. With her family. She felt sweat on her back and forehead. "Are you all right, grandma?'

She focused her gaze on Rory and breathed in deeply.

"You scared me. You were screaming…"

"I-I'm all right. I-" she broke off and looked around her. "I'm fine."

_Was she really fine? If she was going to have nightmares every time she slept, was she really fine?_

_To be continued…_

**A/N-That's all. I hope you liked it! Reviews and feedback really appreciated! Thanks! **


	7. Echoes and Avalanches

**A/N- Okay. Here's the next installment. As always, I hope that you will enjoy it as I have enjoyed writing it. :o) This chapter is longer than usual and I hope it doesn't get to draggy. I personally do not like draggy chapters and I hope this wasn't one. There are flashbacks on this one again and I hope that you'll like it. I have to tell you this and I feel very bad for doing this but I can't help it. School starts tomorrow and I suppose life catches up and homework and all so **_**I won't be able to update until Friday**_**, during which I hope the teachers don't give a lot of homework. However, I have happy news! I'll be officially 15 years old tomorrow, which is the 11th of June here in Malaysia! Reviews will be the best birthday gift ever from you guys! And now that I'm going to be older, I think if you have any critisism, I'll take it better. I'm going to be mature! Lol... Okay, I'm rambling. So enjoy this chapter! And thanks to Cira for the beta!  
**

**Leaves of Autumn**

_By caramelapples_

_**Chapter 6: Echoes and Avalanches **_

"Are you hungry, Mom?" Lorelai asked, throwing a quick sideway glance at her mother before she concentrated on the road again. "You haven't eaten anything since we left the hospital."

Emily had been looking out the window but now turned to her daughter. She wasn't particularly hungry but practicality and common sense told her that she should eat something for breakfast. "I suppose we should eat something…" she slowly said, looking down at her lap. She was wearing jeans. _When did she ever wear jeans?_ Lorelai had gone to Hartford after she had finished the check out forms to get her some clothes, leaving her in Rory's company.

Poor Rory, she thought. Her granddaughter had been so afraid to upset her after she woke up screaming that the girl asked every five minutes if she was okay. How she loved Rory.

She had almost forgotten about the old pair of jeans until Lorelai returned, and pulled it out from a paper bag. She said it was the most practical of what she could find. Emily had been too tired to argue and she simply didn't care what she was wearing. Not now anyway.

Emily had insisted that Rory should go back to work, since she was just starting and it wouldn't be wise to _not _go to work. Rory had protested, but Emily had been firm, although she spoke very quietly. She didn't feel like talking to anyone.

"All right. What do you want for breakfast?"

"I-uh-" Emily started but stopped mid-sentence. Her mouth was dry and she really had no appetite whatsoever. She shrugged and forced a smile. All she wanted was to go home and go to bed. She didn't want to meet people and she didn't want to talk to people. Not even the maid, she decided. It would be a dreadful experience for herself and the other person as well.

And she wasn't accustomed to Lorelai taking care of her or being concerned like she was now.

"I tell you what. I'll take us to my place and I'll make us something to eat," Lorelai said as convincing as possible. It was only then she remembered that her mother didn't need convincing to have company. She needed company and Lorelai was going to keep her company as much as possible. If she wasn't a good enough daughter then, she would be now. She mentally laughed at her thoughts and how cliché it sounded, as though taken from a Lifetime movie.

Her mother's voice got her out of her thoughts. "Is Richard at home?"

"Yeah, I think he'd be home by now. But he wasn't when I went over to bring you your clothes."

Emily seemed to be contemplating something before turning to her. "I want to go back home," she said softly, afraid that she would be hurting her daughter's feelings, quickly adding, "If you don't mind?"

"All right," Lorelai said. "Anything you want."

The rest of the trip was made in silence as Lorelai drove through the roads, using the same route she used every Friday. The large house was empty as they entered it through the front door. The only people there were the staff and Emily felt more alone than she was already feeling. She felt sore between her legs and it hurt her to walk. How she hated it! It was a painful reminder of her assault and she was more than willing to forget about it.

"Dad's not back yet," Lorelai commented as she stood at the foot of the stairs. "I could stay…"

"You have to work…" Emily said quietly. She didn't like being weak and she didn't show it often. It was different with Richard now. He would hold her and comfort her. But it was an entirely different thing with Lorelai. She didn't like Lorelai to see her weak. And she was feeling pretty weak now.

"I am not going to work today," Lorelai said firmly. "I don't think I could even if I wanted to…" she added, thinking about the night it had happened. She was exhausted but she wouldn't tell her mother that. It would make her mother feel worse and she knew it.

Emily settled her gaze on her daughter who cocked her head and stared.

"Mom, I'm not going to leave you by yourself," she stated.

Touched by her daughter's declaration, she smiled weakly. She knew that she didn't want to be by herself. "Thank you," it wasn't more than a whisper.

Lorelai smiled.

_Let me take care of you, Mommy…_

"_Where are we going?" Emily asked, allowing herself to be lead by her young daughter. Lorelai had insisted that she'd wear a blindfold. "It's almost dinner time and you know your grandmother wouldn't like us to be late…"_

"_It's a surprise, Mommy," Lorelai piped, dragging her mother along until she arrived at her room. She pushed the door open and pulled her mother inside. "Wait here," she commanded, dropping her mother's hand._

_Emily was frustrated and amused at the same time at her daughter's actions but she stayed still, before she felt small hands leading her toward somewhere. "Sit down here," Lorelai's voice said and tugged on her hand._

"_Where are we?" Emily asked, curious. She made the motion to sit and was momentarily shocked when she realized that whatever she was sitting on was very low and had a small backrest. She felt something on her head and instinctively shrunk, furrowing her brow. "Lorelai?"_

"_Don't move, Mommy." Emily stilled and felt nimble fingers untying her blindfold. She gasped when the slippery silk blindfold was pulled away, her jaw dropping as she took in her surroundings. She was in Lorelai's room. She knew it by the fireplace and the placing of the furniture. Apart from that, everything came as a surprise for her. She was sitting on a small child-size chair and she looked around the room to see a winter wonderland, matching the real snow outside. _

_True, it wasn't equipped with the best props but she knew it the moment she saw it. Snowflakes made of white shimmering paper and cotton wool were everywhere, covering the shelves and tables. Even Lorelai's bed sheets were snowy white with snowflake designs. She brought a hand to the top of her head and realized she was wearing a tiara, a plastic one, no doubt, but still a very beautiful tiara. The lamps in the room where all turned on and covered with light blue cloth, illuminating the room, creating a magical ambience. _

"_Oh my…" _

"_Do you like it, Mommy?" _

_Emily felt tears prickle her eyes. "You did this for me?"_

"_Yep!" Her daughter grinned broadly, "Priscilla helped of course and you can't, absolutely can't fire her Mommy! You said you won't!" _

"_I won't fire her, Lorelai," Emily whispered. "I love it. It's beautiful…" _

_Lorelai beamed and threw her arms around her mother's neck. "Happy Birthday, Mommy!" she squealed and kissed Emily on the cheek. "You can be Princess today!"_

_Emily gasped, mentally checking her calendar. She had been so busy with trying to get everything in order and the way Trix liked things to be that she had forgotten about her own birthday. And Lorelai had remembered it! She hugged her little girl and kissed the top of her forehead. "Oh Lorelai…" _

_Lorelai stood up and ran to her desk opened a drawer and took out a big box. She proudly gave it to Emily and looked on as she unwrapped it. _

"_Chocolates!" Emily gasped and looked up at Lorelai. She smiled knowingly. "So this is what that form of yours was for…Well, then what has playing outside got to do with this?" _

_Lorelai jumped onto her bed and bounced. "Well, we must take a given opportunity before we lose out on a good deal!" _

_Emily laughed. "Where did you learn that, young lady?" _

"_I heard Daddy say it once when he was talking on the phone…" she replied, sitting down on the bed, looking at her mother. "Do we really have to go down for dinner?" _

"_Yes," Emily said, sighing. Looking down at the box of chocolates she was still holding she wondered if Richard remembered her birthday. Probably not, since even she had forgotten about it. "I think we have to, baby." _

"_But, Mommy, I don't like her…" Lorelai pouted. They both knew who she was referring to as 'her.' "She makes me answer all her questions and they're really weird…" _

"_What does she ask you?" Emily asked, curious. She stood up and joined Lorelai on the bed, absentmindedly bringing the chocolates with her._

"_She asked me if I eat vegetables and fruits every day, if I know how to tie my own shoelaces, if I had a tutor to teach me proper English and if Daddy was happy. I don't know how to answer them. She stares at me with her big scary eyes," Lorelai complained. _

"_She asked you if Daddy was happy?" Emily questioned, putting the box of chocolate down next to her on the bed. The fact that her ability to make Richard happy was being questioned causing her distress. But she should have expected it. _

"_Always," Lorelai nodded. Emily fought the urge to scream. "But I know that Daddy's very happy and I told her so." _

"_My little girl," Emily smiled, hugging her daughter. She pulled her close and smelled the sweet fruity scent of Lorelai's dark hair. "Fine. We'll stay up here and…" _

"_We'll celebrate your birthday!" Lorelai said excitedly, fingering the big box of chocolates. "We'll have chocolates for dinner, Princess Em'ly!" _

_Emily laughed at the pleading look in her daughter's eyes. "Only this once," Emily said, opened the box and took a piece, biting into it. _

_She had never felt better._

Richard came home to a silent house and went upstairs to see if Emily had come home. He opened the bedroom door to see her sleeping soundly on the bed, in jeans. Sprawled out beside his lovely wife was his very grown up daughter, her handbag obviously kicked on the floor, snoring softly. They both looked adorable as they slept, oblivious to his presence. From her position on the bed, he could tell that Lorelai had not meant to fall asleep and that she had dozed off while keeping Emily company.

It was quite early in the morning and Richard knew how tired Lorelai would be since she had not slept a wink last night. He went over to the king sized bed and gave Lorelai a kiss to her forehead. His daughter wrinkled her nose and mumbled something, still fast asleep. Richard smiled. When was the last time he had done that? He could barely remember kissing Lorelai before she went to bed when she was a child. That had always been Emily's job. No, it was not a job to kiss his own daughter. It was something done out of love. He walked to the other side of the bed where Emily was sleeping, lying slightly on her side, facing him. He kneeled down beside her and brushed a stray hair from her face. Even in her sleep she looked troubled. He wondered if she was having a nightmare, wishing he could be the one fighting off all of them and whatever she was afraid of but he knew that he couldn't. Not until she talked to him. Richard placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and sighed. He knew that she wouldn't want the contact if she was awake. She had told him that herself. Brushing her cheek with the back of his hand he quietly stood up and left the room.

Richard went downstairs into his study and sat on his chair. He had said he would protect her when he married her. And he had failed so terribly it was killing him.

_Richard sat on the bed rocking Emily the whole night. It had been raining heavily when he awoke to her whimpers. He had switched on the lamp and saw that Emily was curled up in a fetal position and mumbling something incoherent. She had been dreaming and it had troubled her so he did what he could to chase away her bad dream. He had woken her up and asked what the matter was. She had told him that she had a nightmare but refused to tell him what it was about. They had been married for roughly four months and Richard had discovered that Emily was prone to nightmares although she would never tell him what she dreamt of. And what was worse, Richard thought, was that Emily seemed to always be fine. He knew that she wasn't fine. He knew she hated to be weak. She was a proud woman and he loved her for it. However, he felt that Emily sometimes was too proud for her own good. This was the first time his new wife seemed to be frightened and shaken. It would mean that whatever she dreamt of was becoming worse. It worried him._

_Emily clung onto him, not letting go, trying not to break down in tears and found herself failing. It had been so real. He had been there again; she had been there again. It frightened her. It was that very same nightmare again. But this time, it was more real than all the other times. She had always been able to keep everything inside, hidden. This time, she was trembling and she wanted nothing more than Richard to assure her that she had been dreaming._

"_Shh… Emily. It's okay. I'm here," Richard soothed, stroking her hair. _

_She buried her face in his chest. _

"_I won't let anything happen to you," he told her, kissing her hair. "Don't worry, Emily. I'm here." _

"_I'm sorry," she whispered, looking up at him._

"_It's all right. You're safe now." He wrapped his arms around her tighter and felt her calm down a little. "I think I'll be able to take a break from work soon. Let's go somewhere for a week or so." _

_She pulled away slightly, "Where?" _

_Cupping her cheek he brushed her tears away with his thumb. "Anywhere you want." He smiled at her and rested his forehead against hers, their noses touching. "Anywhere at all," he said, loving the eyes that gazed back at him. _

Richard snapped out of his thoughts when he heard Lorelai's voice sailing downstairs.

"Dad! Hurry and come up!" Her voice sounded frantic and panicked.

Richard burst out of his study and rushed upstairs to the bedroom he shared with his wife. His eyes darted to Lorelai who was trying to calm a hysterical Emily. One moment, she was silent, refusing to talk and then suddenly she was frightened like a child. Her moods were fluctuating and she was emotionally charged.

"Dad… She was-I don't know what happened…" Lorelai stammered. "She woke up screaming…"

"Emily, calm down," Richard said as calmly as he could, walking towards the bed. Emily's cheeks were flushed and her eyes were pools of flame. He was taken aback at how different she looked and immediately pulled her into his arms, not caring if she fought him. To his relief, she settled into his embrace, trembling. Emily was not crying although she wished she could. It would be so much easier to cry but she couldn't, the whirlpool of emotions locked up inside of her.

Lorelai looked on, pale and scared. She had no idea what to do so she just stood there, next to the bed, as her father comforted her mother. Emily buried her face in his chest, breathing deeply, taking comfort in Richard's scent. He smelled like he had always smelled, good and strong.

She felt as though an avalanche had happened, burying her alive. The attack was the echoes that had triggered the avalanche, the memories that she had buried deep inside. She was suffocating and she didn't know what to do, not able to claw her way out, waiting for someone to rescue her before the air ran out. But nobody knew the avalanche had happened and that she was under its thick snow. She felt her heart pounding in her chest, grabbing on to her husbands shirt she tried hard to calm down, praying that he would find her in time.

_To be continued…_

**A/N- I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I swear that I will try to update as soon as I can! Really! And remember my birthday! ;o) Thanks for reading!  
**


	8. Snowflakes and Sleeping Pills

**A/N-Ok. Here's the next installment. I had school and homework and training. Sorry it took so long but I had to perfect it. And I most certainly hope I did. :o) Thanks to Cira, my wonderful, patient, lovely, talented and fantastic beta! And the title was thought of by Cira too. She's brilliant. :o) Enjoy! **

**Leaves of Autumn**

_by caramelapples_

_**Chapter 7: Snowflakes and Sleeping Pills  
**_

Richard had finally managed to calm Emily down, slowly soothing her, encouraging her to continue sleeping and comforted her by telling her over and over again that he would be there immediately if she should need him.

After four decades of marriage, Richard had never seen Emily so troubled before. The early months of their marriage had him wonder about Emily's health. Back then he had pondered briefly with the idea that his new bride was suffering from depression but dismissed it rapidly once Emily stopped having nightmares. He closed his eyes briefly and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"_Richard?" _

_He looked up from the documents he was studying to see Emily's head poking out from behind the door of his study. "Yes?" noticing that she looked particularly pleased he became curious. Richard enjoyed trying to figure out the complicated puzzle that she was. He had already learned that she would speak more forcefully and would act more rigidly, when she was afraid. When she was upset, especially with him, she would stare at him with glittering eyes and her cheeks would be a little flushed. These were among the things that he had been able to observe from Emily. _

_She was a difficult thing to study, an enigma. It was the one which attracted him in the first place._

"_Yes, Emily?" he asked curiously._

"_I'm not feeling well," her words diverged from her facial expression as she told him, grinning impishly._

_Nevertheless he immediately frowned with concern. "Are you all right? Do you want to see the doctor?" _

_Emily came into the room and shut the door behind her. "I think I will." _

_Richard stood up and walked over to her, feeling first her cheek then her forehead. "You do feel a little warm… It's best if you'd see the doctor right away," he said, moving his hand down to cup her cheek. _

_She reached up and covered his hand with hers. "I'm not feeling well and-" she took a deep breath. "-I think I know why…" _

_Richard felt his heart stop. Was she sick? Did she know something that he didn't? Was she hiding something from him? "What is it, Emily? Are you okay?" He was already starting to worry. _

_She smiled up at him, not breaking their gaze. "I think" she whispered, "I might be pregnant." Taking his hand in hers she watched him closely._

"_Emily?" his eyes widened. "What are you saying? Are you-are you going to have a baby?" he asked, holding his breath, afraid that he might have misunderstood what she had said. _

"_I think so… I don't-I'm not really sure. But I think that I am…I mean, I've been dizzy and I have been feeling nauseous… those are all signs that show that I might be pregnant…" she told Richard, trying to keep her voice normal. Looking down she added, "and I skipped a period." feeling herself blushing at having to say it out loud._

"_Oh my god," he gasped, holding her shoulders. "I think you are. I think you are!" he exclaimed and hugged her, lifting her light body from the carpet and twirling her around. "I love you!" _

"_Richard! Put me down this instant!" she tried to sound dignified but failed miserably. "Richard! What if I'm not?" she added softly. _

_He slowly put her down, not removing his arms from her waist. "You are. I just know you are." _

"_Do you really think so?" her smile widened at the sound of his voice and the sparkle in his eyes._

_He nodded and hugged her again, kissing the top of her hair. "We'll go to the doctor straight away," he declared and almost dragged her out of his study, not roughly, but rather enthusiastically. _

"Dad?"

Richard opened his eyes and gazed at his daughter. "Yes, sorry. I was a little preoccupied…"

"It's okay. We all are," she said comfortingly.

He watched Lorelai who was sitting on the couch opposite him and marveled at how beautiful she was. Just like her mother. Lorelai was strong, he thought. He knew that she was strong.

"Dad, I've been meaning to ask you this but I totally forgot about it. But now that Mom's asleep…"

Richard nodded, silently telling her that he was all ears.

Lorelai edged on her seat and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. "After Mom talked to the police officer, she mentioned something about a party. She seemed to be confused by something but I didn't ask. I didn't want to push her, you know?"

Richard nodded again. "What party?"

"I don't know. That's why I'm asking you. She mentioned a party. I don't think she consciously mentioned it but she did say it. Does it mean anything? She said, 'There was a party' and then it was as though she didn't say it."

Richard sat up straight. "What on earth was she talking about?" he asked, more to himself than for Lorelai to hear anyway. "What party?"

His daughter straightened up, shrugging her shoulders, "That's just it Dad. It doesn't make sense."

Richard stood up and started to pace the space in between the couch and the table. "She's confused," he stated, shaking his head. _His darling Emmy was losing control… _"I don't think she knew what she was saying…"

"Whatever it was, she's in shock. I don't know the real thing or whatever they call it but she needs to talk to someone. Anyone. She needs to go for counseling. There are groups for things like that." Lorelai was being as practical as possible because she knew that without practicality, she would be out of her mind and thus, useless. "Dad, we have to do something. Those nightmares she's been having… They're really bad."

Richard nodded again and resumed his seat on the couch. He would have to do something about it. It wasn't something that would just go away. He felt it in his gut. He hesitated for a moment before he spoke. "Perhaps-perhaps we could see Joshua… He might know how to help her." Richard, in a brief moment of uncertainty, looked at Lorelai and silently asked for her opinion.

"Your doctor?" Lorelai felt compelled to ask and Richard nodded again. "That's-I think that's a good idea."

"I'll call him… I don't want to leave her alone." Richard said and Lorelai nodded.

"Okay, Dad. Whatever you say," Lorelai told her father and Richard smiled warmly at her before leaving the room.

He knew his wife well enough to know that she didn't like to talk to other people about things like these. She didn't like people to know that she _could_ and sometimes _did_ feel afraid and vulnerable. It was one of the few things that worried him

Lorelai couldn't feel any less hopeless as she waited for her father to come back. She wanted-needed to take care of Emily and she didn't know how. It wasn't as though she could start crying and then everything would be all right again. It didn't work that way when you were not a kid anymore.

_Emily and Lorelai burst out laughing as Lorelai told her mother what she thought of Trix. The girl was beginning to form her own sense of humor of which a large part had been inherited from Emily. The chocolate box had long been emptied and discarded. Now mother and daughter were lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. _

"_Emily!" _

_Both sat up straight to see Richard standing in the doorway. _

_Emily felt a little dread as to what Richard might be thinking. She hated to disappoint him. _

_"Richard." She suddenly wondered if he had remembered her birthday. _

"_What do you think you're doing? And Lorelai; Trix was quite upset that you did not turn up for dinner," he said seriously and at the same time wondered what Lorelai had done to her room. It really was quite pretty but neither Trix nor he thought that skipping a family dinner was respectful. He looked at the empty chocolate box in the waste paper basket. "And having parties in a child's bedroom…" he added, staring at Emily. Emily sighed. So much for remembering her birthday._

"_I don't like her!" Lorelai exclaimed, jumping off the bed. _

"_Shh! Lorelai!" Emily reprimanded. _

_The little girl immediately turned around, "Sorry, Mommy…" _

_Emily stroked her daughter's hair. "It's okay. Don't say that to Daddy. Go and apologize to your grandmother for not coming to dinner." Lorelai nodded and was about to leave when Emily called her back. "Don't tell her about our little party, okay? It's our special thing." Lorelai beamed and skipped out of the room. _

_After their daughter was gone, Richard turned to his wife._

"_Emily, I never would have expected this from you," Richard said sounding disappointed and Emily knew that he was right. She had disappointed him. But she was not going to apologize for her actions. _

"_That woman hates me, Richard," she said, standing up from the bed. _

"_She does not, Emily. She just likes certain things to be done in certain ways." _

"_No! It's obvious that she can't stand my presence. And I can't stand hers either. She and her stiff and horrible ways. She's the most selfish woman I have ever met in my entire life! I won't stand another minute with her!" Emily felt burning anger pooling in the pit of her stomach, fuelling a flame. _

"_Emily! It's my mother you are talking about!" Richard exclaimed, shocked at his wife's outburst. "You will respect Trix!" _

_Emily felt the flame getting out of control, unable to stop it. She stood directly in front of him and stared defiantly at her husband. "And does she respect me? When she was humiliating me and insulting me, did you tell her to respect me? She treats me like dirt and you're telling me to respect her?!" She asked, incredulous, trying hard to keep her voice low so that Trix who was staying in one of the guestrooms wouldn't hear their argument. "Anything she says to me is an insult, either straight to the face or somehow hidden in her long, long, long, sentences!" _

_Richard knew that Emily was already worked up. He could practically see her spitting fire from her eyes. And that meant that she would not back down from the argument. But neither would he. Trix was special to him and Emily had to understand that. "It's so you can do things better… Improve," he told her. _

"_I don't need to improve how I run things!" Emily snapped. "I am doing things the way my mother taught me and how I have always been doing them. They're fine! Richard, I am a grown woman! Not some idiot!" _

"_Emily, she is who she is. She is my mother and I love her. She's-"_

"_An idiot!" Emily finished, regretting her words the second they had left her mouth, half of herself not quite believing that she had said something like that. _

_Richard loomed over her in seconds and Emily briefly wondered if he was going to hit her. She fought to keep the tears that were prickling her eyes at bay. She would not cry in front of him and over such an unworthy subject. She arched back a little and was terrified when she realized that she might have gotten things too far this time. After all; Trix was his mother. _

"_I'll stay with Lorelai tonight. She did this for me," she said coldly, a part of her hurt that he didn't remember her birthday. _

_Richard seemed surprised but didn't say anything. _

_Turning away from her he stopped in the doorway, his back to her, "You disappointed me, Emily," he said over his shoulder and left the blue tinted room. _

_Emily felt her heart tighten in her chest as she took in Richard's words. It stung and she felt her throat constrict. Those words made her feel as though she was really not good enough for him, just like Trix most probably thought. And it hurt her deeply. _

Joshua arrived about twenty minutes after Richard made his call and went upstairs to check on Emily, with Richard and Lorelai behind him. She was asleep and he didn't want to wake her so he didn't do much but listened to her heart rate and took her temperature. There was nothing else he could do. Finally, he went outside the room and both father and daughter followed him.

Lorelai was watching the doctor intently as he explained that Emily's condition was most probably temporary. She nodded and said a few 'uh huhs' and turned to watch his father's reaction. All Richard did was nod every time Joshua explained something. Finally he seemed as though he was going to say something.

"Joshua, I don't think this is temporary," Richard said, sounding regretful and pained at the same time.

The doctor creased his forehead and looked confused. "Why would you say that? It went away the last time, Richard." He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the doorframe.

At that, Lorelai perked up. "The last time?" _What last time?!_

Richard ignored his daughter and continued speaking to Joshua. "That's just it. I don't think she'll get over it so soon. This-I don't think this is the same as the last time. I don't think so at all. This might be a different thing. Different nightmares and god knows what her nightmares were about last time."

"Hey?! Hey! Did anyone hear me? What last time?" Lorelai interrupted and both men turned to her. Richard regretted bringing up the topic but he had forgotten that Lorelai had been there too, listening to their conversation.

"It's something-It's something you don't need to know," Richard said, staring at Joshua to shut up. It wasn't as though he could stop her questioning with scolding her like he used to when she was young. "Don't ask."

Lorelai frowned. "I want to know," she demanded, and Richard was surprised at the Emily-ness Lorelai seemed to portray at this moment. He knew that he shouldn't be surprised. Lorelai got her mother's wit and her mother's strength. She even had Emily's stubbornness and Emily's beautiful looks. Richard shouldn't have been surprised at all at his daughter's insistence.

He felt helpless and he didn't know what to do or say. He knew that his wife would never want Lorelai to know about the old nightmares, whatever they were about. Emily had never liked anyone to see her weak, especially her daughter.

"Joshua…" Richard warned. "You are not supposed to reveal anything. Doctor-patient confidentiality remember?"

Joshua shifted uncomfortably, shifting his gaze. "I'm sorry Lorelai."

"Hey!" Lorelai pointed at the door, "That woman in there is my mother and I want to know what's going on!" she said, her sentence coming out as rapid as possible. "She wouldn't be there like that if I hadn't asked her to stay so _please_ just cut the crap and tell me!"

Richard gazed at her, shaking his head, "Lorelai. It's not your fault."

His daughter blinked and took a deep breath, regretting snapping like that. "Sorry," she mumbled, crossing her arms. "I just-just tell me, okay? Please?"

"Lorelai, it wasn't your fault," Richard said, worried that his daughter might be putting the blame on herself. _It wasn't her fault. It was his fault. _

"Drop it," Lorelai said abruptly. "Forget what I said. Just tell me what is going on. What has Mom been going through? Please."

Joshua hesitated for a while, glancing at Richard but then decided to tell her. Emily needed her daughter. He had seen how devastated she had been when Lorelai had left all those years ago. She had been broken. She didn't eat, she didn't talk, she didn't even leave the bed. The very same bed she was sleeping on right now. And now she was broken again. If Lorelai somehow –even though he didn't know how exactly- could make things better, he was going to make sure she could. Emily was a dear friend, but more important, she was a patient and he did what was best for his patient, even if it was not the right way. "Your mother, a long time ago that is…" he tried to find the right words, "She suffered from nightmares. And those nightmares were very, very severe. Sometimes, when they were really bad, she wouldn't sleep. I had to prescribe her sleeping pills."

Lorelai winced and took the information in. Emily Gilmore having nightmares and taking pills. This didn't sound like her mother at all. It didn't sound like the strong willed woman who had brought her up. Closing her eyes for a second, she took a deep breath, pulling her arms around herself. It was too much. "Was it-Was it a long time ago?"

Joshua clasped his hands together. "Yes. It was a very long time ago. It happened for a few months right after your parents got married. I don't know if she had them earlier as I wasn't her doctor until after she married your father." Joshua's eyes darted to Richard and back to Lorelai. "But after those months, the nightmares sort of went away and then you were conceived," Joshua beamed. "I think Emily managed to fight whatever it was that was troubling her-she never told me or Richard what those nightmares were exactly."

Richard nodded, knowing that since Joshua had already told Lorelai, it wouldn't make any difference no matter what he said now anyway. "We were very happy then… I mean, after that dark period. And then you, Lorelai. Your mother was so happy when she got pregnant with you and those nightmares stopped. They just stopped coming…" Richard said, remembering the times when Emily would be smiling all day just because the baby had kicked her. A small smile appeared on his lips.

Lorelai felt a twinge of guilt but quickly pushed it away, turning her attention back to Joshua. She hugged herself closer.

"I'll prescribe her some sleeping pills and they should let her sleep better." Joshua nodded, addressing both Gilmores, "But if this goes on and becomes worse, she needs to speak to someone. Rape is a very, very traumatic experience. She might be moody sometimes or she might just start crying. She might even suffer from depression. If she talks, listen to her and most of all, show her that it isn't her fault."

"Of course it's not her fault!" Richard exclaimed. It was that bastard's fault and when they find him, he would strangle him with his bare hands, a fantasy that had played out in his mind since the moment he had found out about what had happened to his beloved wife.

"It's okay, Dad. She has us." When her father looked at her she suddenly noticed that he looked as lost as Emily looked.

"Yes, we know that. It's not her fault. But a rape victim usually feels that way. She needs to know that you'll be there for her," Joshua continued.

"She's confused. She mentioned a party," Lorelai said.

"How?" Joshua furrowed his brow and crossed his own arms, mimicking Lorelai's position.

"After the woman that questioned her left, she mumbled something about a party and that was it. She fell asleep after that. She seemed very-uh-confused? She was… I don't know. It was weird. She looked so serious and yet so lost." The image of her mother flashed through her head again, making her heart ache.

The doctor nodded, "You need to ask her that. I don't know what goes on in her mind. It might be something else."

Richard glanced over Joshua's shoulder into the bedroom.

Emily was sleeping but even then, he feared that she would be frightened. "Do you think her old nightmares are back?"

Joshua though for a while and then shook his head. "I don't know what to think. It's something that only Emily can answer." turning towards the sleeping woman on the bed.

_To be continued… _

**A/N-There it was. I hope you enjoyed it and leave some gold dust for my self-esteem and also for my dollhouse:o) Next update will be next week. Please be patient! Thanks! **


	9. Tainted

_**To Emily&Richard4ever: First of all, thank you so much for never failing to review. I am sorry that you didn't like that much flashbacks but I did work hard writing those flashbacks because it's quite difficult to write. And those flashbacks are important to the developement of the story. I really appreciate your reviews and your feedback. I am glad that you leave suggestions but sometimes, the flow of the story wouldn't go well with some of the suggestions. As for more Emily and Richard, I didn't undertand your previous review. I am quite positive that I have written a lot of Emily and Richard scenes in the flashbacks and present. I don't think I would be able to pull of more Emily and Richard without it becoming too sappy. Again, I am very sorry if there are some parts that you do not enjoy. I do try my best to make everyone happy though. I hope you understand that Emily is a rape victim, not once but twice so it would be too unrealistic for her to want Richard's contact to much. I do appreciate your review and I hope that you understand. I hope to hear from you soon!  
**_

**A/N-Thank you all who have reviewed. I am very happy that you seem to be liking it so far. I'm sorry for the delay but now, here's the next installment. I am posting this with crossed fingers and I hope that you all would like it. There are still flashbacks and all the horrid emotions but I do hope that you would like them since writing about Emily and writing Emily is quite difficult to do. Thanks to Cira, my wonderful and lovely beta. Enjoy!**

**Leaves of Autumn**

_By caramelapples_

_**Chapter 8: Tainted**_

Richard silently watched his sleeping wife as he sat on a chair he had pulled up beside the bed. He really didn't want to wake her and Lorelai was talking to Rory on the phone. Joshua had left a few minutes ago and he assumed that Lorelai was updating Rory on Emily's condition. He decided to use the time to think about Lorelai's previous words.

_There was a party…_

He allowed himself to go back in time. She really did seem to be fine all this while. Without him realizing it, Emily had been awake for quite some time but pretended to be asleep so that she didn't have to face her husband. She could feel his presence and she could feel him watching her without even opening her eyes. She stayed as still as possible and tried to ignore the faint annoyance that was creeping into her heart. She had been too tired to be annoyed with anyone and now, she realized that her mind was clearing just enough to be annoyed with someone. She didn't want to talk about what happened this morning. Richard had calmed her down and she had fallen asleep again. She still couldn't believe that she had actually lost control over her feelings, the fear and violence that plunged her dreams. Lorelai had looked so scared but she couldn't keep it all in. It was something Emily had always been good at keeping her feelings to herself. And she hated to think that she might loose this ability, since it had always protected her. It was her armor, something that made sure she didn't appear vulnerable.

She found herself dreading the time when sleep would claim her just because her body was too tired. How she hated her body now! It was not hers to control. At least that was what she felt. Her body rebelled against her and those thoughts caused her to shudder involuntarily, making Richard realize that she was awake.

"Emily?" His voice was soft. She cursed herself mentally and forced herself not to show her annoyance. She didn't like telling people that she was afraid or sad or hurt - at least not when she could control what she was saying. "Are you awake?"

Emily nodded gently, afraid that she would snap if she said something. She was annoyed at herself for breaking down like she had. And what was worst was that it had been Lorelai who was witness to it. She sighed softly. "What time is it?"

"It's noon. A bit after lunch time. Are you hungry?"

"No. I don't feel like eating." Emily noticed that Richard looked apprehensive. She knew that what had happened affected him as well. "Was there something you wanted?" she asked gently, not wanting him to feel as though she didn't want him there. She did, she just didn't want to risk talking to him now. He would most probably be listening intently to what she said, and only God knew when she might slip and say something else. _Something else. _

"Emily, are you feeling well?" Richard asked when he saw that there was a troubled expression on her Emily's face.

Snapping out of her thoughts, she nodded, "Yes, well… Yes," she confirmed.

"I called Joshua after you fell asleep. He checked on you. I hope that you are not upset…" Richard said, watching her reaction.

"Joshua? For what?" Emily glared at him. "I was fine. I didn't need a doctor," she snapped, her annoyance finally seeping through. Richard looked at her wistfully, as though he had known that it was what she was going to say.

"You were upset Emily. Lorelai and I were worried and we thought he might be able to help," he explained, his eyes bearing the pain he felt seeing her in pain.

"I had a nightmare!" she exclaimed, trying to brush off her earlier behavior. "People get upset after they had nightmares. That's why it's called a nightmare! It's supposed to be unpleasant and upsetting."

"You had many nightmares, Emily. And they stopped." Richard reached out and took her hands into his. "Emily, are those nightmares returning?"

Emily stared at their entwined hands. "Richard, please don't bring _that_ up." Her tone was cold and firm as if she was instructing the maid to clean the windows. It was then that he knew she was avoiding the topic. He knew that was how she would react. Richard felt a stab of pain in his heart, feeling as if he was causing the pain to return to her again. She was already hurt enough now.

"If they are, please tell me. I need to know what is causing you so much pain. I want to make it go away. I want to help you and be there for you. But I can't as long as you won't let me, Emmy." Richard stroked the top of her hand with his thumb. Her hand seemed so small in his and he realized that she seemed small as well.

Emily looked back up at him. "You talked to Joshua about the old nightmares? _With_ Lorelai there?" Emily became pale. What would her daughter think of her? Not that it couldn't be improved as it was now. But what exactly would her daughter think about Emily Gilmore?

_Weak? _

"Lorelai cares about you. She loves you. You have never told me what those dreams are about," Richard said, trying to get her to open up. He needed to know what they were before he could chase them away. "Emily…"

"Richard, it is not something I want to discuss right now." She was silently begging him to drop the subject. What would he think when he discovered that she wasn't the pure virgin that he thought she was on their wedding night? A dozen thoughts raced through her mind and she swallowed, trying to get rid of the feeling in her throat. She felt as though she couldn't breathe even if she wanted to. What would he think if he discovered that she had been keeping this from him for the whole length of their marriage?

"Emily." He spoke her name firmly and she looked up at him. She hated that she could feel tears burning behind her eyes. "Lorelai thinks that you have to talk to someone," he added. "This is very unhealthy, Emily. She also said that you were talking about a party. What party?" Richard prodded, as gently as possible. Emily looked away so that he couldn't see the momentary flicker of fear on her face.

"What party?" Emily asked, repeating his question, her heart racing. _Did she accidentally slip while talking to Lorelai?_ She tried to remember when she might have said something like that to Lorelai and became frustrated when she couldn't recall it. And she started to worry about how much she could have possibly let slip.

"_Emily?" Richard wondered what possibly could be troubling Emily. She had insisted that they leave early. She wanted to go home but refused to tell him why. Was she angry at him? Or possibly about how his mother had treated her? Or was she feeling unwell? _

_She turned to him and forced a smile, curling her fingers into fists to prevent them from shaking. "Yes?" Richard shot a glance at her, careful to keep his eyes on the road. _

"_Are you feeling all right? You have been quiet the whole night. And you look pale. Are you sick?" Richard asked, concerned. He was truly worried about her. As far as he knew, the party went fine. Maybe except for the fact that Trix didn't take a liking to Emily and instead harped throughout the whole night as to how Pennilyn was doing this and doing that."Do you want me to take you to a doctor?" _

_Emily shook her head. Her hands were ice cold. "No, I'm fine. Just tired." Why wouldn't her hands stop shaking? Why couldn't she breathe? She tried to take a lungful of air but could only manage a short breath each time she tried. She shifted on the car seat and winced silently at the pain she felt. _

_She felt as though she had been ripped apart. She had gone to the bathroom back at the party and to her horror, there was a blood stain on her underwear. Emily pressed her lips together and thought about ways of how she could get rid of the bloodstain in case the maid saw it. At least her dress had a petticoat. She was thankful that there wasn't any blood on her dress. She felt as though they could smell him on her. Everyone that she went near could most definitely smell him on her. They would all stare. At least she felt as though they were staring at her because they knew. _

_They knew that she was damaged goods. _

"_Emily, something is wrong. Are you upset about the way Trix behaved towards you?" _

_Emily looked at him and realized that she was worrying him. She felt a pang of guilt about worrying him like that. She should say something. "She didn't like me," Emily whispered, feeling her breath caught in her throat. Could his mother have sensed it? Could Trix have known? _

"_Oh, Emily. She is still upset about Pennilyn. Don't worry. She'll warm up to you," Richard said, not taking his eyes off the road. Trix had pulled him aside and had spoken to him about Emily after she had gone off with his father. He had looked all over the place for Emily, assuming that she was still with him when he couldn't find her. Charles had wanted to introduce her to all his friends and family and Richard would have gone with them if Trix hadn't called him away and insisted that he entertained guests. He knew that she was deliberately making him leave Emily alone but he didn't say anything. It was best if he didn't anger his mother. She might treat Emily even colder then. He was convinced that his mother would accept Emily after the initial shock of him breaking the engagement with Pennilyn wore off. For now, he would have to bear with it. Emily was no where to be found until she suddenly appeared and insisted that they went home. She had been getting along quite well with his father and with Louis. He was sure they would treat her well. And he had no doubt that Louis would be making Emily laugh with his light-hearted demeanor and telling her all about his adventures in Europe. _

"_She doesn't want me to marry you," she said quietly. Could Richard smell __**him**__ on her? Would he still marry her if he knew? What would happen if everyone knew?_

"_But I want to marry you. I love you, Emily and you should never doubt that." He seemed surprised that Emily would seem so unsure of herself. Something was definitely off tonight. Did his mother really have that deep an impact on her? She had barely spoken to Emily. She couldn't have possibly made Emily feel so bad in just a few minutes. _

_Emily nodded but didn't say anything else. _

"_Father likes you. And Uncle Louis too." Richard attempted to change the subject, hoping that she would be able to forget whatever it was that troubled her. "Did you meet a lot of people? I would have been with you but I had to entertain the guests." _

"_Yes, I did." _

"_Did Louis tell you a lot about Europe? He spent a lot of time there," he said, noticing that Emily suddenly seemed very troubled. "They did treat you well?" he asked, unsure. _

"_They did," Emily said quickly, feeling the tears burning behind her eyes. "Louis told me a lot of things," she said. _

"_Like I thought he would. Father introduced you to a lot of people?" _

"_He did." _

"_I'm glad."_

_Emily just nodded and said nothing more. _

Richard looked into his wife's eyes, the same eyes that had gazed back at him all these years. Her eyes gave away more than any of her other features. They spoke so well for her. But when she chose to conceal what she was feeling or what she was thinking, he knew that he wouldn't be able to see anything. It was as though her clear eyes had clouded and he couldn't see what went on behind them.

"I don't remember saying that," Emily said, frowning. "Lorelai must have been mistaken," she added, although she knew that Lorelai was most probably right.

"That's just it Emily. You didn't realize that you said it." Richard touched her cheek with the back of his hand.

"Well, I don't know what party!" she snapped turning her face away. Richard was about to reply but was interrupted by the ringing of his cell phone. He grunted and hoped that it wasn't his office. He had more important things to think about, like his wife. He felt a cold piece of rock settle on the bottom of his stomach when he realized that he had seldom ignored work for Emily. He regretted not doing it and regretted that it took something like this to put his wife atop of anything else.

"Hello?" he listened and then frowned. "I'll be right back," he mouthed to Emily and left the room.

Emily immediately threw the blanket aside and got up from the bed. She rushed into the bathroom and stared into the mirror. Her reflection gazed back at her - mocking her. A bruise on her cheek and dark shadows under her eyes. She couldn't have looked worse. She turned on the tap and splashed water onto her face before taking a towel, wiping it dry again, never stopped gazing at herself.

She didn't look like this the first time.

_Emily slammed the bedroom door behind her and locked it. Then she immediately started to remove her white dress with trembling fingers, not caring if she tore it. There were some patches of dried fluid on the soft fabric. It was a tainted dress. Like her body. Why did she keep on thinking of the word? _

_Tainted. _

_She was tainted. _

_She wrapped herself in a towel and removed her underwear. The stain wasn't so big after all. She went into the bathroom and locked the door behind her. Her reflection in the mirror told her that she didn't have any bruises on her except her wrists. She could wear long sleeves for some time even though it was in the middle of summer. Mother might ask since almost everyone knew that Emily practically lived in sleeveless during the whole course of summer. _

_Gingerly, she touched herself and winced when she felt a stinging pain. She brought her hands up to see that her fingers were tinged slightly reddish. She had always felt that her virginity was important and was careful to remain a virgin. It was something that she would only give to her husband, someone she loved with her entire heart and only after she was married. And now, it was robbed from her and she was like those girls she avoided in college. She was just the same. She removed her towel and stepped into the shower. She was careful to scrub everything. Everywhere. She scrubbed herself over and over again until her skin was pinkish. _

_She needed to wash, to clean herself. She was dirty. She was tainted._

_Tainted. _

_That damned word! It was in the shower that she allowed herself to cry. When water was pouring over her face, nobody could see her tears. She made up her mind not to tell anyone. How could she? Imagine what they would say, she thought. "Poor Emily," they would say. Would her parents ever look at her the same way ever again? Would Hope ever look up to her again? _

_Or worse, would Richard still marry her? _

_The humiliation that this would cause her parents if anyone knew made her cry harder. She would forget this. She would not think about this. Slowly, she turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. _

_She would have to get rid of her underwear. And her dress too. If she was going to forget, she didn't want any reminders. Mother wouldn't recognize if the dress was missing. She had plenty of dresses. Many dresses of different designers and different colors. Dresses. _

Emily spun around when she heard a knock on the door.

"Emily?" It was Richard. "Are you all right?"

She didn't want to go out. She didn't want to talk. They didn't understand and she didn't want to tell them anything. What would they all think if they'd know?

"I'm fine Richard," she forced herself to say.

"Will you open the door?" he asked, worried.

Emily looked around her and quickly flushed the toilet and turned on the tap, pretending to wash her hands.

"I'll be right out," she said and moved to open the door.

_To be continued…_

**A/N-I would love to hear feedback from you! They are very encouraging. And the next chapter would be up soon. :o) Please be patient!**


	10. For Emily

**A/N-First of all, thank you all so much for your reviews! I really appreciated them. To those I could not individually reply to, thank you so much for your reviews! I can assure you that they are gold dust to me and they do wonders to my self-esteem. D So here's the next installment. I really, really hope that you'll enjoy it. And it didn't take me so long to put this one up! Like the last post, I am posting this with crossed fingers. Thank you Cira for the lovely beta! Enjoy! **

**Leaves of Autumn**

_By caramelapples_

_**Chapter 9: For Emily**_

Emily stepped out of the bathroom and bit her lower lip to prevent it from quivering. She hated that she could remember everything in detail. She hated that after she worked so hard to banish the memory of it from her mind and bury it deep within her soul, it was starting to return, attacking her sanity. Richard looked concerned, the same expression on his face ever since last night.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

Emily tried hard to swallow the annoyance she began to feel. "Yes, I'm fine. I am going to take a shower. You know that I like to stay clean," she said, thinking up a dozen things to occupy her mind. She hadn't really had a proper shower where she could _really _clean herself ever since she got home. One where she could scrub and scrub until her skin tingled and was tinted pink and she longed for a shower like that. "Who called?" she asked, hoping that it hadn't been his office. She wanted him close.

"Some idiot at work," he muttered, shrugging at the same time. He saw the momentary flicker of worry in Emily's eyes. "But I'm not leaving," he quickly said and felt his heart a little more at ease when she seemed to relax a little.

"Has Lorelai gone home?" Emily asked again, making small talk. She didn't want Richard to ask about the party again. Had she really slipped? She couldn't remember.

Richard nodded and crossed his arms. "Emily…"

Emily tensed when she heard the tone in his voice. He was going to continue the conversation. Didn't he know how much it pained her to even think about it? No, of course he didn't. How could he know? She took a deep breath and answered. "Yes, Richard?"

"Don't avoid the topic. Please Emily," his voice was stern but his eyes where begging. "You can't hide it all inside."

She firmed her voice and looked at him defiantly. "I don't want to talk about it," she told him and felt his gaze drilling into her soul, searching within its depths. "I don't need to talk about what happened to anyone. I've got through it the first time and I was all right. I am here now, am I not? And I'll be fine. I just need to find a way to deal with it."

"_Hello, Emily," they all said, each taking her hand as Charles introduced her to his circle of friends in the billiard room. She didn't like the billiard room. It smelled of cigars and leather and bourbon. It smelled of men. She hoped that Richard wouldn't turn out like that. Even if he did, she wished that in the future, he wouldn't spend too much time with his business associates and friends. At least not much more than he would spend with her. _

_Every one of them smiled and she smiled back. She didn't feel unwelcome, unlike the way Richard's mother had made her feel. Charles was nice to her and so was Louis. A younger man was walking towards her. He was smiling and really was quite handsome. But no one could ever be more handsome than her Richard. _

"_Hello, Emily," he said warmly and shook her hand. "I'm pleased to meet you. Henry Gilmore. Charles' and Louis' brother."_

_Louis slapped the younger man's back hard. "Hey you!" he said and burst out into a loud guffaw. "You really should've come to Rome with me. The adventures!" He looked at Emily who smiled nervously. "Eh Emily?"_

"_That's right," she said, joining in the conversation and feeling better. Perhaps Richard not being with her wasn't so bad after all._

Richard felt hot white pain rip through his very soul and a headache beginning to pound in his head, trying to process what she just said. "Emily? What happened the first time, Emily?"

Realizing that Richard was trying to make sense of what she had just told him, she started to panic. "I meant that the nightmares I had the last time… They did go away when I got over them. This time won't be any different," she explained. "It was the nightmares."

"You meant something else, Emily… Not the nightmares," he said, watching her intently.

"I-I can't… I-" Her voice was starting to shake and she knew it. She desperately clung onto her resolve instead of giving in to her need to break down, to tell the man she loved everything. "_Please, Richard…" _Her exterior was starting to crack beneath his gaze and she clenched her fists, willing herself to not break before him. "It was different then…" She was telling herself, she was telling her mind. Richard didn't know. He didn't understand. It was different the first time. _It was a different man… Richard can't know!_

_Different place. Different everything. Why did it happen again? Different nightmares? No! _

_Same nightmares. Just a different person on top of her. _

"What's different then? What happened Emily?" Richard went closer to her to see her eyes clouding.

"Nothing happened, Richard." Emily said, looking at his chest. Anywhere but his eyes.

"Then tell me what it is. Let me help you. Talk to me."

"I'll be fine. I promise." She turned from him.

"You're not fine, Emily. You are not fine. Don't promise me." Emily turned back to face him and Richard was surprised to see the pain and sadness in her eyes.

Emily pleaded with her eyes. When she sensed that he wasn't going to back away, she withdrew from him. "There's nothing to discuss," she said abruptly, pulling herself together. Richard was taken aback by the sudden coldness of his wife. Decades of marriage had taught him when Emily was shutting down emotionally. "Please leave. I need to take a shower."

Richard went closer to her and she shrank away from him. "Emily, don't shut me out."

She turned her back to him and started to walk towards the bathroom. "Close the door when you leave, Richard," she said, not looking back until she heard the door shut.

Richard stood in front of the door and sighed. She was closing up and it was entirely his fault.

_It was way past midnight and yet, Richard was standing outside his only daughter's bedroom where both his girls were sleeping. He toyed with the idea of knocking but was afraid that it might wake Lorelai as well instead of only Emily. He hadn't been able to sleep without talking to Emily beforehand. The both of them had their pride but it was no doubt as to who was the more stubborn one of them. Besides, he knew that Emily and Trix didn't quite get along as well as he would have liked. _

_If only Emily would be patient and more understanding. Why couldn't she understand that the more she went against Trix, the more Trix would dislike her? Despite the situation, Richard had to smile. Emily had always had her own opinion about things and she didn't like people to tell her what to do. That was why he loved her. She would always stand her ground. _

_He decided to go in without knocking and found his wife sitting in on the bed, watching Lorelai sleep. Apart from the nightlight by the bed, the room was relatively dim and he couldn't really make out Emily's expression when she turned to him. Emily had left the blue cloth over the lamps so that Lorelai would awake to find the wonderland still intact. _

_He moved to her but she stood up and walked past him. He was about to protest as he was sure that she was avoiding him but she turned, pulling her robe tighter around her. "Outside," she said her voice a whisper. "I don't want to wake Lorelai up." _

_He nodded although Emily didn't see him. Sometimes he was certain that Emily had eyes in the back of her head. He followed her outside and shut the door behind him. She was standing across him; arms crossed and was staring curiously at him. She looked impatient. _

"_Richard," she stated, not saying anymore. _

"_Emily, I-" he stopped, not knowing how to phrase his words. Did she want an apology? Of course she did._

"_What is it, Richard?" she sounded colder than before. She stared at him, studying his form. _

"_I'm sorry," he told her and he was glad that he didn't sound reluctant or insincere._

_She seemed to ponder his words and pressed her lips together. "You don't have to be," she finally said. "I missed dinner with Trix and I didn't tell Lorelai that her skipping dinner was wrong," Emily said. It pained her to say that the surprise Lorelai had planned for her was supposed to be wrong. But it wasn't wrong. It was the one thing today that made her happy. And because of that, she was sure in her heart that it was the right thing. "I shouldn't have let Lorelai skip dinner with Trix." _

"_No, I can understand. Lorelai said that she did it for you. The room, the decorations… You couldn't have let her down," Richard said to Emily exactly what he had spent the whole night thinking about. _

_Emily felt a little of the ice around her heart melt away as she heard his words but nevertheless, she felt a dull ache about her forgotten birthday. She wasn't going to remind him either._

_Before Emily could think, she blurted out the thing that had been bothering her the whole night. "I disappointed you," she said, and immediately regretted it. It wasn't something that she had planned to tell him at all. And she hated that she sounded a little hurt as well. She could let her little Lorelai see her hurt or wounded. Lorelai would never judge her. Her baby was still too young to think anything bad about her. But not Richard. Richard would see that those words affected her more than she should have allowed it._

"_What?" He seemed genuinely surprised. "I've never…" his voice trailed off as he realized what she was talking about. He felt a pang of guilt as he saw her expression, despite her efforts to remain unfeeling, "I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean it that way. I just-well, I'm sorry."_

_There was an awkward silence as they both stood there in the dimly lit corridor, staring at each other watching and waiting for the other to make a move. "Forget it," she told him, breaking the silence at last. _

"_Really, Emily… I'm sorry I hurt you."_

"_I said it's all right. Forget it," she forced herself to repeat, biting her lower lip, her eyes darting around to spare her from looking at her husband. Again silence fell upon them._

"_Well-" they both said at the same time and paused, a little amused. _

"_Well-uh-would you come back to our bedroom?" he asked her, nervously awaiting her response. They had fought numerous times before but it had never gone so far that either of them chose to sleep in a different room. _

_She cocked her head, a small smile playing on her lips. "Okay," she whispered after a while, happy that Richard wanted her to come back to their room. She had been worried that if they didn't make up, the situation would become worse. But Emily Gilmore would not be the one to make the first move. "I'll go back to our room with you," she added, moving to take his hand. "And I'll apologize to Trix tomorrow," she told him despite detesting the notion of having to face that woman. _

"_Emily?" _

"_Yes, Richard?" she replied, turning to look at him, one hand on the door knob to their bedroom door. _

"_I love you," he told her, gazing longingly at her._

_She turned the knob and pushed the door open, still looking at him. "I love you too, Richard." She smiled warmly and he knew that everything was all right now. She made her way to the large bed and her eyes fell upon a red velvet box sitting on top of the fluffy comforter in the middle of the bed. Emily hid the smile that played around her lips. It must contain jewelry. However, it was much too big to be holding a ring or a pair of earrings. She sat on the bed and took the box in her hands, gazing at it curiously. _

"_Open it," Richard said, enjoying the childlike curiosity that permeated her features. "It's for you," he added, watching her expression. _

_Emily did as she was told and was met by the sparkling brilliance of a diamond necklace. Richard chuckled at her awed look and moved to join her on the bed. "Richard?" she questioned, looking up at him. _

"_Happy Birthday, Emily."_

_Emily tried to conceal the joy that was bursting in her heart but could not. So he had remembered her birthday after all! "You remembered," she whispered, not intending for him to hear but he did anyway. She caressed the cool rocks and smiled in wonder. _

"_Of course I remembered. I had intended to give it to you over dinner but well… I didn't get the chance and we fought and you didn't want to come back to our room." _

"_It must be expensive," Emily stated, still gazing at her gift. _

"_Ah well…"Richard shrugged it off._

"_I love it!" she exclaimed at looked up at him. "Thank you."_

"_I'm glad," he said, clasping his hands together. Emily settled the box down on her bedside table and turned to him, an impish smile trying to show itself. Her husband furrowed his brow, confused by her sudden playful mood. Before he could say anything, she pounced onto him and pinned both his hands down on the mattress beside him. Richard couldn't keep the grin off his face as he watched her gaze resting on his lips before she bent down, closing the distance between them. _

Richard waited outside, leaning against the wall and listening to the movements in the bedroom. He had to strain to hear as Emily never made any noise when she walked. He heard the distant sound of the shower as she turned it off after what seemed to be forever and strained harder to hear more in case something happened. She might not want him in there taking care of her now but that didn't mean that he couldn't stay outside and still take care of her. All these years, Emily had been the one caring for him, taking care of his needs and wants. She had been a wonderful wife and he knew it. Now, he decided, when she was wounded and broken like she was, he would take care of her.

His mind wandered back to the conversation he last had before she told him to leave. She had so skillfully avoided his question. _What first time? _He had caught the slight tremor in her voice when she spoke. She was most definitely hiding something from him. Something that was the cause of her previous nightmares. He couldn't understand as to why she wouldn't tell him. Not then and not now. What was it that tortured his Emmy every night and caused her to shake with fear? There had to be something that caused those nightmares. It didn't make sense for them to just appear out of nowhere. It wasn't the nightmares that she was talking about. Her pained look haunted him, and brought him back to the old days. Those depressing days.

He returned his attention to the door, again straining to hear if she might need him in any way. He would be there for her.

_For Emily._

_To be continued…_

**A/N-Reviews and feedback are greatly appreciated! Remember my dollhouse? It's still in construction. :P**


	11. Stay

**A/N-Here's the next installment of this story and I do hope that it meets your expectations. I thank those of you who took the time to review and who read this story from the very beginning from the bottom of my heart! It is a very nice feeling to know that one's work is liked and read. In this chapter, the flashbacks are shorter that the other chapters but I hope you don't mind. You might also notice that Lorelai appearing is becoming scarce but don't worry, she will feature more in the coming chapters. It will be a long story so I hope that you all will read it to the end. I apologize in advance as updates after this chapter will be less often. I will try to make the chapters longer when I do get the chance to write. For now, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter! Thank you **_**Cira**_** for the beta! I would never have gotten this far without you! **

**Leaves of Autumn**

_By caramelapples_

_**Chapter 10: Stay**_

The moment darkness took over as the sun went down, Emily found her hands turning cold and her breaths coming out in short gasps. Try as she might, she couldn't get herself to calm down and so she resorted to keeping quiet the whole evening through. She came down for dinner, dressed as immaculately as she would be dressed any other day. Her hair was perfectly coiffed, her face unreadable and all her emotions were firmly locked away behind the clouded dark orbs of her eyes. Her responses to Richard's frequent _and _annoying questions on how she was feeling were monosyllable and she tried to assure him that she was fine with a forced smile. Forced smiles were Emily Gilmore's natural mask when she didn't want others to know how she was feeling. It came so naturally to her that sometimes she didn't realize she was wearing it.

Despite the nagging annoyance of her husband's constant presence, she was somewhat relieved to have him around. It annoyed her that she needed him around so much. It annoyed her that she felt desperate and _pathetic. _It was because Emily didn't feel pathetic. Even when she was feeling pathetic, she didn't _feel _pathetic. In a way, it worked to her advantage, she supposed, as people never saw a weak Emily. Unhappy, upset, angry and furious Emily yes, but _never _weak. Richard did hold his tongue and never once he mentioned anything about that dreadful, mysterious party. For that she was thankful.

She felt somewhat cleaner after the shower she had taken, after which her skin tingled from being scrubbed so hard. Not entirely clean but cleaner nonetheless. After dinner, she went upstairs and went over her planner. Richard was, she assumed, somewhere in his study. She was grateful that he knew her well enough not to follow her right up to their bedroom and watched as she went over her schedule. It was irrational to be thinking of schedules now, Emily knew that, but she just had to keep her mind working or else her thoughts would roam. She would not cancel anything. It would give her free time and she didn't want free time. Even on a normal day, she wouldn't like a free afternoon because it would make her feel restless and useless. But now, more than ever, she wanted nothing more than a whole busy, packed day were she had loads to do, which kept her mind occupied. Her mind processed her schedule as she mentally planned the next day, not writing it down yet as she stared at the blank page of tomorrow's date. She idly flipped through the pages and cursed internally when she realized that she didn't have anything planned for the next few days. Normally, Emily would go out for lunch with ladies from the DAR and _during _the lunch itself, plans for another appointment would take place and she would add another note in her planner.

Nevertheless, she had missed a DAR meeting this afternoon and therefore, plans for another appointment or meeting didn't quite materialize itself on her leather bound personal organizer. Emily glanced at the page of yesterday's date which she regretted immediately as she felt a stabbing pain settling itself inside her heart, inside her very soul. That wretched date! Without thinking, she tore the page from the planner and ripped it to smaller pieces before she dropped them mindlessly. She stared at her planner. The ridiculous book that she kept her plans in. Her schedule. Her _life_.

It was now missing a page. It was missing a day in the year, a day in the month. But Emily didn't care. It was a day that she wished had never occurred. However, it had and Emily was determined to do all she could to push that day out of her mind. Yesterday never happened, she told herself, looking at tomorrow's page and quickly repressing the memory.

_That day never happened. _

_There were a few gentle taps on the door but Emily ignored it. She was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, staring absentmindedly into space. The taps became more urgent and she heard shuffling outside. _

"_Emily dear?" _

_It was Mother. Emily moved slowly to stand and felt a wave of dizziness come over her. She leaned against the wall to support herself and closed her eyes briefly before another urgent knock on the bathroom door snapped her out of the daze. She quickly pulled her sleeves, which were rolled up over her elbows, down to cover the fading bruises on her wrists. She was fairly certain that they would fade away completely soon since the bruises were already starting to yellow. She hated the marks that he had left on her and she was more than eager to see them disappear. Emily tucked a few lose strands of hair, that had come loose from her ponytail, behind her ear and took a deep breath. She was feeling a little light-headed as she opened the door, meeting her mother's cool, steady gaze. _

"_Emily, are you all right? Hope told me that you've been in there for the last half an hour." _

_Emily nodded firmly -or as firmly as she could at the moment- and walked out of the bathroom. "Yes, I'm fine, Mother," she replied, keeping the weariness out of her voice. Why did Hope have to be so worried about her all the time? Darling sweet Hope… "Where's Hope?"_

"_She's with Katie in the garden."_

"_I thought I promised her I'd keep her company today," Emily said, trying to change the subject. "Why is she with the nanny?" _

"_Katie is not the nanny, Emily. Katie is the governess."_

"_What difference does it make, Mother?" _

'_Emily, don't be condescending."_

"_I'm sorry." Emily's hands suddenly felt clammy and cold. _

"_Emily, it's over ninety degrees in this weather and you are wearing long sleeves?" Her mother's tone was incredulous. Emily glanced at her mother. She was wearing a sleeveless summer dress, something she only did when it was unbearably hot. _

"_It's in fashion," Emily responded, weaker than she would have liked and carefully adjusted her cuffs. "Besides, I don't feel hot."_

"_Even if it was, and I doubt it is, it's ridiculous to be wearing long sleeves in this heat!" Her mother realized that Emily looked visibly pale and she approached her daughter with concern. She could see tiny beads of sweat forming on her daughter's forehead and Emily seemed distracted. "Are you feeling unwell, Emily?" Her voice was more gentle now. "What were you doing in the bathroom?" _

_Emily waved her hand in a dismissive gesture and sat on the bed. She felt as though her lungs were shrinking and that she needed more air, she needed to breath but she couldn't. The slight dizziness didn't go away even after she sat. "I had a stomach upset," Emily responded, still trying to breath. _

"_You mean you were throwing up?!" A tad of panic was coloring her voice as she stared at her daughter. _

"_No, no," Emily said, shaking her head slightly. "I thought I was going to but then the feeling passed. It must be something I ate for lunch just now." Emily blinked as she stared at her surroundings. She could see black spots forming suddenly and she inhaled deeply, trying to fight the overwhelming need to lie down. _

_Her mother sat down on the bed beside her and looked hesitant about what to do. There was an awkward silence at first but finally, she seemed to make up her mind and felt the temperature on her daughter's forehead with the back of her hand. Emily was touched by the brief gesture. It wasn't very often that her mother did something like that. "I don't think you have a temperature… But it's best if we call the doctor."_

"_No, Mother. I'll be fine," Emily said and smiled, despite her hazy vision "I promise."_

"_Are you sure?"_

_Emily nodded._

"_Well, you better get out of that," her mother said, tugging on the sleeves of Emily's dress. "Don't you tell me that you don't feel hot because you are sweating. Sweating means that you are feeling hot."_

_Emily wasn't listening as she was more concerned with supplying her body with the much needed oxygen. She breathed, she gasped and tried to not panic with the sudden blurring of her vision. She wanted fresh air. Perhaps that would help. Emily stood up and started towards the French doors. _

"_Where are you going?" _

"_I think I just need some fresh air," Emily replied, not looking back. She grasped the knob of the door and turned towards her mother. "Would you mind leaving me by myself, Mother? I would like to rest and I'd like to be alone if you don't mind." She smiled faintly._

_The elder of the women stood up from the bed. "Of course. You get some rest, Emily. Do tell if something is wrong?" _

_Emily nodded, breathing heavily. Why was the air becoming so heavy? Why was the room closing in on her? All of a sudden, the ground felt as though it had opened up and swallowed her. She felt her legs give way underneath her and she hit the floor, hearing her mother calling her name and then nothing. _

_Blackness._

Richard knocked tentatively on their bedroom door and waited for a response. It was the first time he knocked in many, many years. It was their bedroom after all and he had never felt the need to knock. But now, he decided that he should, just in case Emily didn't want him there. When he got no reply, he went inside and saw Emily at the dressing table. She didn't seem to notice his entrance as she stared out the window into the dark.

He slowly walked closer to her, gently calling her name as not to scare her. Only then did her head suddenly snap towards him; her intruder. Her gaze penetrated him and he suddenly felt bare. "I knocked," Richard said softly, almost defensively.

Emily looked at him. "I'm sorry, I didn't quite hear you," she said quietly. She was tired and her mind was exhausted.

"It's all right," Richard said stood nervously in front of her. He didn't really have any idea on what to do and it irritated him. He always knew how to comfort his Emily but he was truly lost this time. "I came to check on you," he said and felt more annoyed at himself for saying something so simple.

He saw a ghost of a smile pass Emily's lips and felt his heart skip a beat that he had succeeded - almost - in actually making her really smile. He was possibly the one and only person that could see through her facade of strength but _only_ when she wasn't strong enough to build a brick wall shielding herself. "Well, I'm fine Richard," she said and closed her the planner, that was still lying in front of her, not without noticing that she still hadn't written anything down on tomorrow's page.

"Good, good…" he clasped his hands together and looked around. "I'm glad."

Emily was silent as she watched her husband trying to think of what to say.

"Well then, I'll be - uh - get the maid to inform me if you need anything." Richard was starting to be accustomed to the distance that Emily had posed between them. Watching her from where he stood next to the foot end of the bed, he fell silent again, not knowing exactly what to say.

Emily suddenly felt panic at the idea of being alone in the darkness, being alone in this large room. No doubt their bedroom but still alone. Against the protest of her mind, she allowed herself to sound vulnerable. "Where will you be?" It was a soft question that asked more than what was being asked out loud.

"Well, I think I will be in the study for a while before I go to bed," Richard told her, equally soft, trying to decipher what Emily was thinking.

Emily's heart sank as she realized what Richard was saying. She stood up and went closer to him. "You're not going to be here tonight?" she asked, her voice not much more than a whisper. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest and the fear of being left alone was humming in the pit of her stomach. She just didn't want to be left alone in the dark.

Richard studied Emily. "I thought that perhaps you wouldn't want me - uh - Honestly, I just don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, Emily." Richard told her, remembering what Joshua had said earlier. He still wanted to know the meaning behind what Emily had said and what she was obviously keeping from him but he didn't want to push her away with more questioning. He had already done that once this afternoon and the relief he felt when she came downstairs for dinner was overwhelming. He had not wanted to upset her again so he didn't bring up the topic at all.

Richard was right in a way. Having him so close was quite uncomfortable and she couldn't help the unpleasant shiver that ran up her spine when he was so close. It was very frustrating for her because all she wanted was to have Richard to hold her until she fell asleep. But no. Her body wouldn't let her forget the touches. Her body wouldn't let her forget how she was hurt. It confused her. She loved him so much and so dearly, she had always thought that if it were possible literally, her heart would burst because of how much she loved the man. But now, despite loving him so much, she couldn't bring herself to kiss him or to let him kiss her. She couldn't even bring herself to let him touch her, hold her. And she hated herself for it.

"Stay." It was one word but Emily felt as though she had achieved a great feat.

With that single word, Richard felt a flickering flame of hope in his core that spread through his entire body and made him smile.

_Richard felt the heat of Emily's body radiate on him as she rested her head on his arm, rubbing small insignificant circles on his chest. He tugged at her waist and she happily snuggled closer to him. All day since they came back from the impromptu trip to Joshua's, Richard was unable - and didn't intend to - wipe the grin off his face. _

_She sighed softly as he kissed her on the forehead. _

"_Is this for real?" he heard her ask him. Richard looked down, meeting her gaze. Her eyes held a sparkle, even in the dark. _

"_Well, unless Joshua made an error, which I highly doubt, this is for real, Emily," he told her gently, kissing her forehead again as she put her head back against his shoulder. He was so proud of his Emmy. So very proud._

"_I just can't believe it. I mean, we're going to have a baby." Emily felt giddy at the thought of becoming a mother. She wasn't prepared and she didn't see it coming. "A baby…" she repeated and Richard grinned even wider in the dark. Emily returned to watching the shadows in the room, listening to the soft breathing of the man beside her. The man who was the father of her baby. Her baby! She, Emily Gilmore was carrying a child within her very own body and she had not made plans. She was completely unprepared. "What if I'm not prepared, Richard?" she asked him, raising her head again, suddenly feeling worried. _

_Richard chuckled, his body vibrating against hers. "You'll be a wonderful mother, Emily. I have no doubt you'll love our baby very much." He stroked her soft cheek and felt as though he was the happiest man in the world._

_Hearing him tell her that made her relax a little bit. She settled back against him, staring into the darkness. "But I'm not prepared," she whispered, not knowing if she intended for Richard to know her fears. _

"_You will be," was his automatic response as he put her arms around her. Emily had never felt happier to be married to this man, this wonderful man who was always so sure of her, never doubting her unlike his horrid mother. She would never forget the day of their wedding. Trix had been unenthusiastic about the whole thing and Emily would never forget the disappointed look the older woman wore throughout the ceremony. It didn't help things either that she was a nervous wreck. But that was so long ago and she was determined to put that memory behind her along with many other bad, sometimes worse, memories. Emily wondered if Trix might finally accept her since she was after all, going to be the mother of her grandchild._

"_All right, Richard. I will be prepared." Emily pushed herself up on one elbow and quickly gave her husband a peck on his cheek. "I'm so happy," she sighed and felt Richard kiss the top of her hair after she had snuggled back against him. _

"_So am I, Emily. So am I." _

Richard lay down by his wife and watched the slow rising and falling of her chest. She was already asleep. He could tell by how her breathing became slower and deeper and how the rigidness seemed to be gone from her body. Even in the dark, he would always know when his Emily was asleep despite of not being able to see her features. He didn't dare close his eyes as he was afraid that he would unconsciously - in his sleep - put his arms around her like he sometimes did without noticing and God forbid, wake her up and scare her to hysterics. He pulled the comforter up, making sure to cover Emily's shoulders.

Richard got up slowly from the bed, careful not to wake her. He walked around the bed and crouched down next to his wife, studying her features before placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. She sighed in her sleep, looking more relaxed than before as though his kiss had somehow brushed aside whatever it was that was troubling her. Richard carefully brought one hand up and stroked her cheek, his heart aching as his fingers moved in feather light touches.

"Are you ever going to tell me what is troubling you, Emily?" he asked her softly, fully aware that she wouldn't be able to hear him. He let his fingertips trail down her cheek again. "Will you ever tell me what's wrong?"

He pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "I love you and I will always be here," he whispered, removing his hand in case he woke her. He impulsively reached out to pull the comforter higher despite already doing it just now. "I love you so much and it hurts to see you in pain." He lowered his head for a moment, then finally stood up.

He would have to talk to the police soon to make sure that they were doing their jobs. He hoped that they were as reliable as they seemed. Perhaps tomorrow he would pay them a _visit _and make sure that they were doing all they could to catch the man who hurt his wife.

_If not, he would hire his own damn police if he very well could! _

The chaise lounge by the windows didn't seem appealing when one had such a spacious and comfortable king sized bed. However, Richard made himself comfortable - or at least as comfortable as he could - and fell asleep almost immediately, hoping that Emily would somehow just talk to him and praying with all his might that he would be able to protect his wife when she needed him to.

_To be continued…_

**A/N- Thanks for reading! I would love to know what you think. Reviews are very much appreciated:)**


	12. A Thousand Pieces of Shattered Glass

**A/N - First of all, I'm terribly sorry for making you all wait! I assure you that it was not my intention. Life just caught up. But now, here I am with another chapter! I'm a bit nervous posting this but I do hope that you would like this chapter! i will try to update sooner. Thanks to Cira, my absolutely wonderful beta! Without her, this fic won't be the same. I do hope you all are still reading! Enjoy! **

**Leaves of Autumn**

_By caramelapples_

_**Chapter 11: A Thousand Pieces of Shattered Glass  
**_

The water from the shower head sprayed onto Emily's back, the sound of it hitting her body the only thing she heard. She had awoken today to find Richard sleeping soundly on the chaise lounge by the window and it troubled her immensely. When Emily had woken up just a few moments ago, she had expected Richard to be sleeping by her side on the bed, just like he had always been - by her side. But she had encountered emptiness as her companion on the large bed and had suddenly felt her heart clench when realization dawned that her husband was still in the room and yet, he was sleeping somewhere else.

In the same room as her.

_But yet, somewhere else. _

Emily allowed herself to briefly wonder if she had pushed him away so much that he didn't know how to come back to her. Perhaps she had. Perhaps he didn't want to come near her anymore because he sensed that she was dirty.

_No, Emily! Don't think like that! Richard cares about you…_

The water cascaded off her lithe form and onto the already flooding tiled floor. Emily stood still for a while until finally, she started to scrub herself. She scrubbed hard and she was sure to wash every tiny part of her body. Despite the fact that her skin was already beginning to turn raw pink and was also starting to sting, Emily couldn't help herself but to keep on scrubbing until her muscles ached. There were no tears to cry but there was plenty of dirt to wash away from her body. She was dirty and so the only thing Emily could do was to wash it all away. Leaning against the cool tiles when she had tire herself scrubbing her body, Emily fought the urge to scream. It was like a bubble caught in her chest and Emily, closing her eyes, took several deep breaths to sooth her nerves.

"_Emily?"_

_Sounds. She could hear sounds… Voices. And Emily could feel the softness of what she presumed was a mattress she was lying upon. _

"_Are you awake, Emily?" _

_Her senses were beginning to return to her from the darkness behind her eyelids. Slowly opening her eyes, her mother came into view and so did Doctor Reynolds. _

_Doctor Reynolds! Could he have known? If he had examined her, could he have seen the bruises on her wrists? Had her mother seen the bruises? Dear God!_

_Emily began to panic but tried as hard as possible to hide her discomfort. "What happened to me?" she managed to ask, sounding breathless and bringing a worried frown to her mother's beautiful features._

_The doctor smiled gently. "Just a mild case of heat exhaustion, Emily. You'll be all right. Now, I would like to ask you something young lady." A small frown creased his forehead and he suddenly looked years older. "It's summer and I'm sure that you are aware that it's not very advisable to be wearing long sleeves in this weather." He paused momentarily to watch Emily's reaction. When she showed none, he pressed on. "I've noticed a few bruises on your arm and around your wrists when I asked your mother to roll up your sleeves. Would you care to explain what happened?" he asked, raising an eyebrow._

_Emily sat up, leaning against a pillow. Her mind raced to find something to say. Anything at all. "I don't know what you're talking about," she finally uttered, playing the denial card she already held so deep inside. _

"_Emily! What happened to your wrists?!" It was her mother and Emily tried to avoid her eyes by looking at her hands. "Why were you hiding them?"_

"_I don't know. I was not hiding them."_

"_Emily!" her mother exclaimed, exasperated and frustrated at her daughter's nonchalance. _

"_I don't know." She was proud of the annoyance she heard in her own voice. _

"_Emily," Doctor Reynolds started, gently and in a manner which all doctors adopt when a patient was distressed. Emily, however, was agitated and annoyed. Despite all she was feeling, the main component of the torrents of emotions that flowed through her body was fear. _

_Fear that they would find out. _

_What would happen if they did? The shame would be unbearable. _

"_Please tell us what happened," the doctor tried again, still remaining gentle and it did nothing less than to provoke Emily more. _

"_I said I don't know." Perhaps if she wouldn't tell them, they wouldn't ask anymore. It would all go away if she ignored it. Would it? _

"_Did someone hurt you?" Doctor Reynolds asked, trying to get the stubborn young girl to reveal what she hid. _

_Emily glared at him, "No. Nobody hurt me!"_

"_How did you get these bruises, Emily?" Doctor Reynolds tried again._

_Trying to hold his gaze she finally had to look away. "I can't remember. I must have fallen down sometime ago."_

"_All right." The doctor nodded. It was no use, this girl clearly did not want him to ask any further. "You should change out of that and into something that is suitable for this weather, Emily."_

_She nodded, a little more relieved than before._

_Searching her eyes, Dr. Reynolds made a last attempt. "We'll leave you to rest. And remember Emily, we want to help you."_

"_I don't need help." Emily couldn't help the biting sting of her tone._

_Glancing at her mother she saw that the older woman was about to protest. "Please, Mother," Emily said in what she considered to be a calm tone. "I want to rest." To her relief, Doctor Reynolds nodded - not quite approvingly - and both adults left the room, the doctor understanding but the mother reluctant._

The sharp tapping against the door startled Emily and her eyes flew open. Coming to her senses and realizing that she had been standing under the running water for quite some time already, Emily turned off the shower and moved to get her towel.

"Emily?"

"Yes, Richard," she replied, drying off herself.

"Are you all right? You've been in there for quite sometime already."

"I'm fine." Not bothering to glance at the mirror, Emily wrapped herself in her bathrobe and opened the door only to be hit by the seemingly unnatural cold air of the room. Not being able to suppress a shudder than ran through her body, Emily winced when she came face to face with Richard.

A quick glance at his wife and Richard could tell that there was something wrong. He reached out to take her hand in his and lifted her arm so that he could see the pinkish tint of her skin more closely.

"Emily!" It was a rush of whisper, not loud enough to indicate his shock and yet, Emily could feel the worry radiating off him.

She snatched her hand out of his hold and pulled the bathrobe closer around herself. "I'm fine."

_I'm fine…_

He didn't let her pass. "What happened?"

Emily frowned. She wasn't going to tell him everything. What would he think of her then? _Was she crazy? _

"What do you mean?" It was a habit for Emily to evade questions from her husband by asking a question herself. It was a game to her. It _had been _a game to her. Now, she held onto this skill for dear life to try and escape this situation.

"You know what I mean, Emily. Look at this!" Richard exclaimed and grabbed her wrist, pushing the large sleeves of her bathrobe well above her elbow. "Your skin is scrubbed raw!"

"It's not!" Emily snapped, knowing that all hope of escaping were gone unless she showed her annoyance and anger. It was harder now that Richard was always by her side, watching her, _knowing._

"Emily! Please!" Richard was at the point of begging. He was truly lost. "Do you need to talk?"

"No."

Silence fell upon them like a curtain, and Richard was no longer able to read his wife like before. It frustrated him, the fact that an ability that he had worked on so hard to claim as his own - the ability to read his wife - had been taken away from him. Standing before him was the woman that he loved. He loved her. So why was it so hard to understand that he couldn't afford to be selfish and give her time and space?

_Not when she is hurting herself, _a small voice in his head told him.

He took a step closer and Emily took a steady step back. He mentally kicked himself as he figured he was most probably frightening her. She turned around and was ready to make her way to the closet when Richard caught hold of her shoulders and pivoted her around to face him. It took all his willpower to keep himself from shaking her. Didn't she know that she could let him know anything? Why did she have to be so damn stubborn? _And proud?!_

"Emily."

"Why didn't you sleep on the bed?"

Richard blinked, confused. "What?"

"Why didn't you sleep on the bed? Why did you sleep on the chaise lounge? Why? What is the reason for you to sleep on the chaise lounge?" Emily blurted out, entirely too fast for Richard to catch more than a few words. "Why?" It was a whisper this time.

Richard stared at her and then, without any hesitation, pulled Emily to him and wrapped his arms securely around her. She stiffened at the sudden contact and her muscles tensed.

_Run! _

_No, Emily! Don't run! It's Richard! _

_It's Richard. He loves you._

"I didn't want to scare you or push you too much," he told her, holding her to his body. "I didn't want to frighten you, Emmy."

_Richard won't hurt you…_

"But I asked you to stay." Her statement was firm and almost annoyed.

"Oh, Emmy… I know. I know you asked me to stay. But I was afraid that I might touch you unintentionally - I didn't want to scare you." He felt her start to relax against him but was wary and didn't try to pull her any closer in case she should feel uncomfortable. Emily didn't move from her position and stayed wrapped in his arms.

"I felt dirty."

Richard's heart dropped lower than his stomach and yet, he was elevated by the fact that she was willing to open up to him. He stayed quiet, willing her to talk.

"It was as though if I washed - if I just washed hard enough, long enough… I wanted the feeling to go away Richard."

He held his breath to make sure he would catch every one of the muffled words that were being said into his chest.

He pulled both her hands up and gazed at her, kissing her knuckles. "You scrubbed yourself?"

Emily nodded and then looked away, ashamed that he was seeing her so weak. Yet, she couldn't help it. She wasn't accustomed to feeling so weak and so vulnerable and yet, the tiredness that was in her body didn't disappear no matter how much she rested.

"Oh, Emmy…" he breathed, his eyes glazing over and almost instantly regaining their clarity. "You're not dirty. You're not at all. Never think that." He took her left hand and brushed it against his cheek.

"Look," he said, bringing her hands to their view and making sure she was looking at her own limbs. "You're hurting yourself."

Emily felt stinging in her eyes when she realized just how horrible what she had done to herself was. Dear god, her skin was scrubbed raw. But Emily felt _numb_. That was why she couldn't feel the stinging when the rough fabric of her bathrobe rubbed against her body, she thought. All feeling had been tuned out from her brain.

_Pathetic._That was her first thought. She was pathetic.

"Emily." His voice brought her attention back to him. "Don't hurt yourself. You're not dirty. I love you. Do you understand?"

She nodded.

"I love you," Richard repeated, gazing intently into her eyes.

_Don't be afraid. Emily. It's Richard. You love Richard._

"I know." Emily smiled - this time, the smile almost reached her eyes.

_Almost._

Whatever it was, Richard was certain that Emily was getting better and he gave her a warm smile. "You'll be all right, Emily," he whispered, confidently. Perhaps to encourage her, Emily thought.

She only wished that she could share his belief.

-

Lorelai Gilmore had never been an expert at the relationship between her mother and herself. It was a difficult relationship and they both knew that. It was delicate and when either of them had to back down from a fight to prevent it from escalating, they both found that they were each as stubborn as the other. That was why their relationship was never more than what they had.

Now, Lorelai was standing in front of the Gilmore mansion and was waiting for the maid to open the door.

To her surprise, it was her own father who did the task and Lorelai couldn't help but feel sorry for her him. He looked haggard and the lines in his handsome face seemed to have deepened overnight.

Richard had called earlier and had asked her to keep her mother company while he went to the police to check on things. He wanted to see that things were being done to catch the bastard and he did not want to bring Emily along. He was fairly certain that she wouldn't want to take a trip to the police either and was reluctant to leave her alone. Hence, Lorelai.

Lorelai had agreed and called Michel, informing him that she most probably wouldn't be going to the inn today. She thanked God that nobody in Stars Hollow knew about what had happened to her mother. Something like this was a nightmare and would be worse if everyone in town talked about it.

"Hey, Dad." The warmth in her voice was music to his ears.

"Hello, Lorelai." When he didn't say any more, Lorelai wondered if she should at least give her father a hug. The lost expression on his face made the decision for her and she suddenly stepped forward and embraced him, albeit a little awkwardly. Richard was taken by surprise as in all the years that they had been on good terms, the number of embraces that they had shared could be counted on one hand. Nevertheless, he held Lorelai tightly now, glad that she was here.

Moving aside he let Lorelai come inside before closing the heavy door. Lorelai slipped off her jacket and handed it gratefully to her father.

"How's Mom?" Mentally, she wondered when the last time that she had asked about the welfare of her mother was. Guilt attacked when she realized that she couldn't actually remember any occasion before _this_ that she had last asked about her mother.

"I think there's been some improvement." Richard rubbed his hands together. "I can't say actually what but your mother seems more willing to talk. She's still-"

"Hello, Lorelai."

Both father and daughter looked up the flight of stairs to see Emily coming down.

"Hey, Mom. How are you feeling?" Lorelai asked, smiling warmly.

"I'm doing alright. Thank you for asking." Emily answered composed.

Lorelai wondered how on earth a woman who had just been through the ordeal her mother had been through could be as composed as that. It just wasn't normal. _Was it?_

"Well, Emily. I think I'll leave now. Will you be all right with Lorelai?" Richard asked, hesitance evident in his voice. Lorelai felt a little hurt that her father didn't trust her completely. But anyhow, she also felt that she deserved it. When had she ever not try to provoke Emily? Lorelai hoped that she was able to keep her mouth shut today and just keep her mother company for as long as she needed.

"Yes, I'll be all right," Emily said, trying to assure her husband that she would be fine. Taking a step closer to Richard, she gave him a smile. A forced one but a smile nevertheless. "I didn't tell you this just now."

Richard raised his eyebrows. "What is it?" Concern overcame his senses as he watched Emily walk up to him. He felt her breath on his neck as he bent down so that she wouldn't have to push herself up on her toes.

"I love you," she whispered.

He couldn't suppress the happiness that rushed through his being and it took all the strength he had to not pull Emily to him, knowing that his wife didn't approve of displays of affection like that in front of their daughter. He never understood but always conceded.

A grin broke out on his face and Lorelai couldn't help but grin along, despite not knowing what her mother had told her father.

_Perhaps_ he was right. Emily might just be doing all right.

However, appearances were deceiving. Both father and daughter did not realize that they had been easily fooled. Inside, Emily was beginning to crack like fine glass until the time came when cracks were not cracks anymore but instead, a thousand pieces of shattered glass.

_To be continued…  
_

A/N - Reviews would be lovely! I would love to know what you think and how I can improve my writing! Thanks for reading!_  
_


	13. Roses and White Dahlias

**A/N - Sorry for taking such a long time between updates! If you're still reading this, I hope you all enjoy this chapter. There are many flashbacks in this one too, not happy flashbacks sadly. I'm still not sure how to write Lorelai and I'm constantly struggling to keep her in character. Hopefully, my efforts aren't in vain. Many thanks to Cira for the beta. Enjoy! **

**Leaves of Autumn**

_By caramelapples_

_**Chapter 12: Roses and White Dahlias **_

Two dozen roses. Half of them pink and the other half white.

Emily sat almost as still as a statue on the couch as she counted the flowers in every single vase in view. The silence was not, by all means unwelcome to her but for her companion, it might be.

Lorelai shifted on her seat for what seemed to be the umpteenth time as she watched her mother staring attentively at - she raised an eyebrow - a vase? She wondered if she should be the first one to initiate conversation as Emily seemed to be in a world of her own. It had been at least two hours or so since her father had left.

_Thirty._

_Thirty blooms of pretty, white dahlias in a crystal vase. Those flowers stood out starkly in the billiard room. The smell of fresh cigars hung in the air like a curtain of heavy fog. Emily almost felt dizzy as she listened to the sometimes loud gentlemen in the room. Louis was a wonderful speaker and could hold anyone's attention as he told everyone about the adventures he had had in Europe. And the women he had 'screwed'. Apparently her presence had been forgotten for she was sure they wouldn't speak like that in the presence of a young girl. Emily fought a blush listening to his exploits but couldn't resist listening. It was so entirely different from what she was accustomed to._

_Were all men like that? Did they like… 'screwing' …like that? Emily hoped that Richard was not so… crude. She couldn't term the behavior she was seeing._

"_Penny for your thoughts."_

_She snapped her head sideways to see Henry Gilmore watching her, amused._

_Emily fought even harder to keep her cheeks from turning red. Her thoughts were completely inappropriate for a penny, or a pound. Or whatever sum of money he could be offering. "I can assure you, your penny is worth more than my thoughts," she quipped, smiling slightly._

_He grinned. "You're not used to this, I gather."_

"_This?"_

"_Men."_

_Emily scoffed and suddenly felt a smile curve her lips. She had just made a new friend. "You're right. I don't know much about them," she admitted somewhat reluctantly but then, he seemed like a nice man. Of course he was, she thought, he was Richard's uncle after all. The men were so much nicer than the women at this gathering._

"_How are you enjoying the party? Is this the first time Richard's brought you along?"_

"_Yes," she nodded, still smiling at him. "But he's - uh - somewhere… I don't know where he is actually. But he had to greet some of the other guests," she explained, starting to enjoy the party more. The memory of Lorelai's quick assertion that she was not good enough for Richard started to fade slowly._

"So Mom… How're you doing?" Lorelai started, hoping to distract her mother from whatever it was that was bothering her.

Emily glanced away from the flowers and rested her gaze on her daughter. "I'm fine."

Lorelai sighed inwardly. "If you ever need to talk…"

"I'm quite all right," Emily told her, but there was neither sharpness in her tone nor bite in her words.

"Okay," Lorelai replied and received nothing further in return.

The silence bothered Lorelai more than it should. Most of it was based on the knowledge that there were few quiet moments when she was with her mother. They were either arguing or talking about some unimportant subjects because those were the only things that Lorelai found herself coming up with in the presence of her mother. Friday Night dinners had never been this quiet.

_Would there still be Friday Night dinners?_

Lorelai decided that she wasn't going to think about the prospect of actually completely losing contact with her mother. She might have wished for it and whined in the past about having to actually spend time with Emily and she would have rather died than admitted it then, that sometimes, she did want it all to go back to as early as she could remember, when her mother was the "most prettiest" princess in the whole world. The distant memory surprised Lorelai and she wondered if there were other memories hidden at the back of her mind only to be brought up at the most unsuspected times. Her heart told her yes and Lorelai felt a flicker of hope. She would do all she could to be the loving daughter Emily needed now.

And then; in her own way, Lorelai needed her mother as well.

"You mentioned a _party_," Lorelai spoke, finally deciding to take the family doctor's advice and ask her mother about what she had kept in her mind ever since she heard her mention it at the hospital.

"What party?" Emily fought to control her voice. Richard had asked about it. And now, Lorelai was asking about it.

_Why couldn't they just leave it alone!__Why did they have to bring up everything she worked so hard to bury!_

Emily's lips quivered as a chilling image of _him_ on her at that party flashed through her mind. Her heart ached and the familiar stinging burned behind her eyes. The frustration she felt at not being able to stop it, twice, overwhelmed her and Emily wanted to throw something badly. Preferably something that would crash and shatter against the wall. She clenched her fists.

"I don't know, Mom. You mentioned it at the hospital. Did you go to a party? Planning a party perhaps?"

Emily swallowed. She should say something. She should tell Lorelai that she was just planning a party. She should just say something. Anything.

_Henry stood up and smiled down at Emily. She returned his warm smile._

"_Are you leaving?" she asked, wondering if her companion was intending to retire for the night._

"_No, my dear. I'm going to mingle a bit with the crowd outside," he told her and winked._

"_Of course."_

_He smiled warmly again and left the room. Emily sighed as she cradled her cocktail in her hands. Perhaps she should look for Richard. He was, after all, supposed to be her date, or rather, her fiancé._

"Mom?"

Emily snapped her head up sharply. "I might have been talking about a party I have to attend. Or something to that effect," she mentioned casually, careful to avoid higher notes in her voice. "If you'd excuse me, Lorelai, I'm feeling a bit tired and I think it would be wise to take a nap." She stood up and smoothed the imaginary creases out of her skirt, needing something to do with her hands.

"Sure," Lorelai agreed, nodding. She knew, because she had learned to read Emily well, that her mother was leaving out some details. "Get some rest Mom. I'll be right here if you need me."

"Thank you," Emily told her daughter gratefully and ascended the stairs.

Glad that she was finally by herself, Emily felt tears pooling at the corner of her eyes. Frustration bubbled in her chest and she saw no way to escape from its clutches. Closing the bedroom door and locking it, resisting the urge to slam it, Emily made her way to the bed before removing her shoes and curling up on her side of it. It was a large bed and it made her feel so small and alone but for the moment, she was content to be alone.

"Please stop," she whispered to the emptiness of the bedroom. "Please leave me alone…"

And her voice was the last thing she heard before dozing away.

"_What are you doing?" Emily was aware of the quiver in her voice, her thumping chest and the fear choking her. "What are you doing!" she repeated as he seemed to have completely ignored her._

_He wasn't drunk, was he? He had looked fine just a few moments ago. Had he been drinking?_

_She should run, she thought, taking a few steps away from him. The room was dark, too dark to see clearly but she could feel him approaching and her hair stood on ends._

_He had taken her to the balcony on the roof of the mansion and he had told her about the stars in the sky. He had talked about the glowing moon and the poets dreaming of celestial beauties. A completely different character than any of the people she had ever met in her entire life._

"_I write poetry too, Emily," he had said and she had laughed when he quoted one of his own works to her. Not because she didn't think much about his words, but because he had been so jolly and his poems were incredibly witty and sarcastic._

_Emily had thought he was a delightful man and she had listened to every single one of his words. He did sound so very carefree and alive that Emily had been drawn to him like a moth would have been to the light. He was fascinating in a way that made her want to write her own poetry about stars and moons and perhaps - if she fancied - Richard, the man who held her heart. And then, he had smiled at her warmly and had told her that they should be going back downstairs._

_Ten minutes later, they were nowhere near downstairs. Instead, he had opened the door to one of the guestrooms on the top floor and had roughly pushed her inside._

_Now, Emily felt his breath on her face as he pressed himself against her and fought to push him away. She gasped as he bit the tender skin on her neck and slapped his face as hard as she could. The sting stayed on her palm but it seemed to have no effect on him. Emily prayed for Richard to come but knew that there was no way he would know that she was up her._

_There was no way…_

_How stupid she had been! She thought, inching back as he approached her. How foolish she had been to trust him!_

"_Stop it! Help!" she cried, hoping someone had heard her. "Please!"_

_He pushed her against the bed and pushed her dress roughly up to her hips._

_Emily winced when she felt his rough fingers touching her thighs and she tried to kick him, but he was so much stronger than he looked. Her lungs constricted as he lay on her, rending her immobile as his weight pinned her onto the mattress._

"_Please! Stop!" Emily cried as loud as she could and this time, tears accompanied the cry._

"_Stop moving!" he hissed, pinning both her wrists down above her head with one hand._

_He was touching her now, Emily could feel his roaming hands. She couldn't scream anymore; he was too heavy, pressing down on her. She could hardly breathe as he bit the base of her neck and her chest. The pain was unbearable and Emily struggled against him, pushing with all her might._

"_No!"_

Emily's eyelids flew open and she found herself staring at the ceiling of her very own bedroom. The afternoon sun was bright and it hurt her eyes as she glanced out the window. Her blouse was drenched in cold sweat and she shivered at the unexpected chill she felt at the contact of air against her moist skin.

Lowering her feet to the carpet, Emily stood warily and hurried to the bathroom.

She _had_ to take a bath.

As much as she tried, Emily couldn't shake away the crawling on her skin. The filth she felt was covering her couldn't be washed off and she needed to scrub harder in an attempt to get rid of it. Richard had been so worried when he realized she had been scrubbing every inch of her skin raw. He didn't understand what she felt. Emily wanted so badly to make him understand but then, the feeling was always there. The disgust at herself for allowing _it _to happen.

_He doesn't understand… _

Richard would worry again when he found out. But then, he wasn't home. He wouldn't know.

After all, the long sleeved blouses she had in her wardrobe were more than useful.

No, Richard wouldn't know, Emily decided.

She wouldn't let him.

_To be continued…_

**A/N - Reviews are really appreciated! I would love to know what you think. I don't know when I will be able to update again. I hope I'll find time and when I do, I hope that my muse won't desert me. It is most inconvenient when that happens.**


	14. Apple Crisp and Promises

**A/N - This chapter is flashback heavy, but I'm rather happy with this chapter. Thank you to all of you who reviewed the last time. I really appreciate it. I think I'm finally able to get Lorelai right though. Thanks a million to Cira who does amazing beta work. Enjoy!**

**Leaves of Autumn**

_By caramelapples_

_**Chapter 13: Apple Crisp and Promises**_

"_You will not marry him!"_

"_No, Mother! I will. I love him!"_

"_You will not!"_

_Emily's heart pounded dreadfully fast in her chest, panic flowing through her in torrents. Tears were forming and all she could do was fight and beg with all her strength. "I will! We're engaged, Mother!" She stood with fists clenched by her sides, the tautness in her shoulders showing how upset she was. She couldn't understand the sudden tirade against Richard. Her family had been supportive when she had first told them about the engagement. They liked him. Daddy loved him!  
They had been happy! Why weren't they happy now?!_

"_You will not marry Richard. You will break the engagement with him and you will never see him again!"_

"_Why?! I don't understand! You were happy! Daddy was happy!" Emily cried, feeling a headache starting behind her temples. Tears slid down her cheeks and she was sure she looked like a mess, eyes red and puffy. She choked on a sob, mentally already preparing to beg if she had to._

_Her mother caught her forearm and pulled it up between them, causing her sleeve to slide down slightly. In that moment, the pounding of Emily's heart rose in volume until it became a loud roar, drowning out everything around her. She tried to jerk her arm away but her mother held her with surprising strength. _

"_Look at this Emily! Look!" The anguished tone of her mother brought her back to focus and she stared at her half-exposed wrist. "You wouldn't tell us who did this to you and the only reason you wouldn't is because you want to protect someone! You are protecting Richard!"_

_Emily trembled, squeezing her eyes shut and refusing to look at the fading bruises. The memories came back in an instant, slivers of the moment imprinted in her mind deciding to show themselves. _

_Taunting…_

_Haunting…_

_Hurting…_

"_Please…" a whisper was all she could manage without increasing the roaring noise in her head. "It wasn't Richard. Please, Mother. Please."_

"_Emily, why won't you tell us the truth?" her mother answered, all but begged. "Why are you protecting him?"_

"_It is the truth! Richard didn't hurt me. He never did… He would never hurt me, Mother. Never." _

"_Stop lying Emily!" _

"_I am not lying! Please Mother, Richard would never do something like this. I love him!" _

"_If it wasn't Richard, then who was it?!" _

_Emily couldn't speak. It was as though her voice had deserted her and she wanted nothing more than Richard by her side right now. She yanked her arm forcefully away from her mother's grip._

"_You have no idea how furious your father is!" her mother continued angrily, speaking in a frustrated tone._

"_Daddy knows?" The shame overwhelmed her, the humiliation becoming a part of her. She cringed inwardly._

"_Of course your father knows Emily! This isn't something I can keep from him. It's not something I want to keep from him either! He will press charges on Richard. You will not marry that boy!" _

"_No!"_

Emily jerked awake, her heart racing, her silk pajamas sticking to her damp skin. She pushed the comforter away, letting the cool night air wash over her. Her throat dry, she tried to control her breathing, taking slow, deep intakes of air.

Richard rolled over to face her, concern radiating from him. "Emily? Are you all right?"

She adjusted her position on the bed and turned so that she was lying on her side, facing him. It was relieving to know that he was by her side and even more comforting to know that it was unlikely he would be going anywhere soon. Emily sensed her husband's trepidation in reaching out to her and this time, she shifted closer to him on their large bed. "I'm okay," she said, aware of the breathlessness of her voice. She hoped it didn't apprehend him more. "I'm okay," she repeated, reaching out in the darkness to search for his hand. "Bad dream, that's all," she said, finding his hand and taking it into hers, letting the warmth of his skin comfort her.

Richard frowned into the darkness. "Okay."

His single word hung in the air between them. Richard was torn between the need to hold and comfort Emily and the need to give her space and time.

In the end, she moved closer to him and turned so that her back was to him. She pulled his hand around her, placing it against the valley between her breasts. Richard followed her actions tentatively, only doing what she wanted him to do. She settled against him and he could feel the steady beating of her heart against the back of his hand, telling him that she was right there.

They both slept, just like they always had in the past – in the happier moments.

* * *

Emily had been adamant that Richard went to work the next morning. He had been uncertain, as he was bound to be, but he had done as she wished because he had learned from years of marriage that when Emily got upset, she would shut down and that was exactly what he was trying to get her _not _to do.

Emily spent the morning reading a book club assignment despite the fact that the deadline had been ages ago. Idly, she wondered if she should start returning to these club meetings. They were one of the more _interesting _meetings she had. Perhaps if she saw her friends … Her thoughts came to a screeching halt.

She didn't want to see her _friends, _she realized, or their cheery dispositions. Hell, half the time they weren't real anyway. It was impossible for anyone to be like that all the time. She should know. After all, half her life had been spent trying to be exactly that. Besides, she wasn't entirely sure that she could refrain from biting their heads of if they said anything that annoyed her. She wasn't in the mood to indulge them. Emily waved those thoughts away and expelled a sigh as her eyes went back to the sentences and words in her book.

The doorbell rang once, pulling her attention away from the book and she frowned.

She also wasn't in the mood to indulge guests, whoever they may be. Perhaps if she just started up the stairs now, she might be able to hide from whoever was outside. Maybe they would think she was out. Maybe they will think - "Oh, what does it matter anyway," she mumbled, putting down her book and got up to open the door since there was no sign of a maid anywhere. Perhaps it was the new gardener.

Before she could take a step, footsteps echoed down the stairs and the maid whizzed past her.

When Emily was sure that the woman was going to yank the door open in an inappropriate manner, she slowed down and then fixed a smile on her face before opening the door to greet the guest.

"Expertise from our kitchen to yours!"

Emily recognized her daughter's voice immediately and smirked. _Well, well…_

"Excuse me, ma'am?" the maid started hesitantly, her fixed smile faltering.

Emily's amusement somehow overrode her annoyance with the maid and she walked over to the front door. "Hello, Lorelai," she greeted, smiling warmly at her daughter.

Lorelai stood at the door, holding a paper bag in one arm, stacked with boxes of various sizes. "Hi Mom." She grinned.

The moment Lorelai entered the house, she made a beeline to the kitchen, all the while talking non-stop. Emily listened, trying to follow her daughters monologue, but as usual with Lorelai, the topics were all somehow interconnected and worlds apart at the same time. When they reached the kitchen - and it had seemed like the longest journey Emily had ever had to take to her own kitchen - Lorelai set the paper bag down on the countertop and pulled out one of the top boxes.

"_Betty Crocker's Complete Desserts_. Apple Crisp," Lorelai read from the box and then showed the front to her mother as she dropped her handbag on the countertop right next to the paper bag.

"I never quite knew that apple crisp could come from such a small box," Emily observed, taking the box from Lorelai and stared at the cover.

"Well, now you know," Lorelai quipped, pulling out another box from the paper bag. "I've got the Chocolate Chip muffin mix here. Made from Semi Sweet Chocolate Chunks. Hershey's."

"What are all these for Lorelai?" she finally asked, curiosity getting the better of her. She hoped Lorelai wouldn't get defensive. The last thing she wanted now was an argument.

"To make apple crisp and semi sweet chunked chocolate muffins?"

Emily shook her head slightly. It wasn't the answer she had been looking for and she knew Lorelai knew it. However, she didn't want to push, or somehow appear displeased that Lorelai was here so she didn't ask further. "Are we going to be using all of that today?" she asked instead, steering them into clearer waters - safer waters.

"If we have the time. But first, we need lunch," Lorelai said, with an arm stuck in her paper bag searching for something. Another box perhaps?

Emily nodded slightly but remained silent. This was _bizarre. _Lorelai coming here. And proposing they actually cook together. "What about the Inn, Lorelai?"

"Sookie and Michel's got it all under control," Lorelai mumbled, and then finally pulled her hand out of the paper bag with another box, not unlike the ones she had pulled out earlier. "Aha! Lunch."

"Lunch?" Emily echoed, eyes widening slightly. _From another box?_

"Betty's sure got some good stuff. Potato Buds. Hundred percent real potatoes."

"_Potato buds?"_

"Mashed potatoes," Lorelai informed and set the box down on the counter. "This should be enough for the two of us."

Emily stared at the box. The image of mashed potatoes on the front looked tasty enough. She fought the urge to laugh. Here she was, Emily Gilmore, with all intents and purposes to have lunch. Lunch made from ingredients from a small cardboard box her daughter had brought with her.

She couldn't wait.

"_Let me put the eggs in!"_

_Emily frowned slightly at her little girl sitting on the countertop, legs dangling off the edge. "The eggs are one of the hardest parts, angel. Here." She gave a small spoon to the child. "You can put in the vanilla essence."_

_Lorelai pouted. "But Mommy, I wanna put the eggs in!" Seeing her mother's look softened, she held her hands together and opened her eyes in the way she knew her mother wouldn't be able to resist. "Pretty please, Mommy? Pretty, pretty please?"_

_Emily pressed her lips into a thin line as she stirred the mixture with the wooden spoon. "No, Lorelai," she said firmly, trying not to give in. Besides, she wanted the cake to be perfect. Perhaps it wasn't really the right way, baking a cake herself, but Trix wasn't here so what did it matter? Richard would love it._

_She hoped he would._

"_You promised I could help!"_

"_You are helping," Emily pointed out, looking at the small spoon her daughter held._

"_But I want to help in a big way!" Lorelai exclaimed, frowning in the way so reminiscent to her mother. "So Daddy will know I helped too!"_

_Emily sighed as she realized that this was not an argument she was going to win. "Okay, angel. You can put the eggs in. But let me break them first."_

"_Why can't I break them?" Lorelai asked, scandalized at the notion. "I want to break the eggs too!"_

"_Here." Emily held an egg for Lorelai to take and the little girl used both her hands to cradle it. _

_She knew how this was going to work and if it meant breaking her little girl's heart a bit, the outcome was worth it. "Go on. Break it."__ She fixed her eyes on the bowl in front of her and continued to stir._

_Lorelai seemed lost for a moment, realizing that she didn't know how to break it and looked down sadly at the egg cradled in the palms of her hands. "I don't know how, Mommy."_

"_Now see why I didn't want you to break the eggs too?" Emily asked gently, still stirring the mixture when she looked back at her daughter._

_Lorelai nodded, defeated. _

_Stopping what she was doing, she cocked her head to the side and smiled mildly at her child. __"Do you want to know how?"_

_Immediately, the little girl's head snapped up, eyes sparkling with excitement. "Yes!"_

_Emily grinned, letting the wooden spoon rest against the side of the mixing bowl "Come here." _

_Lorelai handed the egg she had still been holding to her mother, then scooted towards her and turned her upper body towards the mixing bowl, tucking her foot under her thigh to face it. _

_Waiting until her daughter had found a comfortable position Emily took an egg from the box. She made sure to have Lorelai's full attention before she knocked the eggshell slightly against the side of the bowl and then cracked it open in the middle. _

"_You want to try it?" _

_Lorelai nodded eagerly._

"_Here." Emily gave Lorelai another egg and stood behind her daughter. "Go on, knock the egg. Not too hard though." Lorelai nodded and did as she was told. "Now you hold it this way," Emily said as she repositioned the little girl's fingers on the egg. "And then you break it like this." She guided Lorelai's hands slowly and smiled when her daughter giggled. _

"_My fingers are slimy!"_

_Emily chuckled. "That's because you have little fingers, angel." She kissed the crown of Lorelai's head. "We have a few more to break. Do you want to do it? Or are you afraid of slimy fingers?" she teased._

_Lorelai giggled. "I'll do it all by myself this time," she announced proudly and took an egg, holding it over the bowl. Following the way her mother had shown her, she broke the egg successfully into the mixture and giggled some more when she dropped the shell into the bowl. "Uh oh…"_

_Emily smirked. "We don't want to leave that in there, do we?" she said as she removed the eggshells, then glanced at her watch. "Wash your hands and go take a nap."_

"_I don't wanna!" the little girl pouted._

_  
"Lorelai, don't be stubborn. Go take a nap," she said sternly, dropping the eggshells into the trashcan. Looking back at her daughter, her voice got softer again. "I'll wake you up before Daddy comes home."_

"_Promised?"_

_Emily smiled and winked. "Promised, angel."_

* * *

A new gardener had been hired, the latest maid had stayed more than _two_ weeks already, and the cleaners had come in last Sunday. Neither of that mattered to him. The only people Richard had been interested in talking to were the police. But there was no news. No bloody news from the bloody police and Richard was close to _bloody _go back to the _damned_ police station he had just been to and give them a piece of his mind.

He drove home without turning on the radio; instead his mind didn't stop speaking, his heart still aching as the conversation he had just had kept repeating over and over in his head.

"_The dents on Mrs. Gilmore's Mercedes were the only clues to identify the attacker's vehicle, and all we know from Mrs. Gilmore's account is that __it was a dark-colored SUV," the detective told him as he flipped through the file he held in his hands. "DNA samples collected were no match to any on our database. He's not a convicted criminal. And we don't have a description of him. Not even a vague one. To be honest, sir, it's almost impossible to get this man. It's like chasing a ghost."_

Richard had made a scene. Pressing. _Demanding_. Threatening. Had they run a search for that SUV? Had they scouted the area for any other clues? The area wasn't that large. And it damned well _wasn't_ Emily's fault that she hadn't seen her attacker's face.

_Not a convicted criminal…_

Of course they had. The detective had seemed to understand his turmoil and had calmly explained the procedures they had taken. No, there were no SUVs matching the profile. _Of course they had searched. _Richard had pushed more then, making them recount every single detail, not trusting that they were doing all that they could.

_It's like chasing a ghost…_

No, he decided. It was not. A ghost couldn't hurt. And this man - this man had hurt Emily. This man could and _would_ be found. He would make sure of that. Tomorrow, he would go down to the police station again.

_It had been a long day. No, long was an understatement. It was a day which seemed to go on forever. A steady headache was beginning to build behind his eyes and the briefcase he__ was carrying was like a burden on his shoulders, its contents bound to give him an even heavier headache. _

"_Emily!" he called as he entered the house, dropping the briefcase unceremoniously on a table nearby. _

"_In the kitchen!"_

_He was too tired to even wonder what she was doing in the kitchen and all but dragged his feet there._

_The sight that greeted him surprised him, euphoria flooding his senses more than anything lately. There was Emily, smiling at him with a smile so beautiful his heart gave a flutter, and his baby girl, sitting on her favorite spot on the countertop clapping her little hands together._

"_Happy Birthday Daddy!" she cried excitedly and he laughed with joy. "We made you a cake!"_

_Richard went to his family, lifting Lorelai off the counter easily and hugging her close to him. "It looks like a very delicious cake," he praised, looking at the cake with candles adorning it. _

_Lorelai giggled. "I got to put the eggs in," she declared proudly and Emily nodded._

"_Yes she did. Happy Birthday Richard," Emily said, moving towards him._

_Richard wrapped an arm around his wife's waist and kissed her temple. "Thank you. I love you so much," he whispered, breathing in the sweet smell of her hair. "This is perfect."_

_Emily smiled up at her husband. "Anything for you."_

Richard pulled into the driveway and sat quietly in the car after turning off the engine. So far he had not said anything to Emily about the progress of the investigation. He would not, unless she asked. It seemed unlikely that she would, seeing that all she did was trying to forget that night. A few minutes passed before he finally stepped out, only to see Lorelai's jeep parked higher up the driveway.

Saying a silent prayer, hoping that there had been no disagreements or fights while he was gone, Richard grabbed his briefcase and slammed the car door shut.

He refrained from calling out her name as he usually did in case Emily was resting but his ears picked up a laugh that clearly belonged to Lorelai. It floated from the kitchen and curious, he left his briefcase on the table by the stairs, walking towards the sound.

"Emily? Lorelai?" he called, continuing towards the kitchen. He couldn't even recall the last time he had placed foot into the kitchen.

"Dad! Come on in! You've got to taste some of these!" Lorelai's cheerful voice greeted his ears.

And just like that, Richard's day began to brighten.

_To be continued…_

**A/N - Thanks for taking the time to read. Reviews are greatly appreciated.**


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